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9 things to know before dating German men

What’s it like dating German men?

Having lived half a decade in Deutschland I’ve had my fair share of experiences – some grand, others regrettable – and can offer, cautiously, a Yankee perspective on the general question that will have generalized answers*. So please forgive (and indulge) me.

9 things to know before dating German men


1. 
Equality above chivalry
If you want an equal partnership – make Germany your first port of call. Here, all’s fair in love and equality. Rent and restaurant bills are split down the middle. You’ll seldom find doors held open for women. And it is extremely rare that a man will offer you the last seat on public transport. (Seriously. You’d be amazed at how many times I’ve seen pregnant women left standing).

deutschland, Germany, German men, German soccer team, German football team, Lucas Podolski, Thomas Mueller, Thomas Muller, Sebastian Schweinsteiger, Lahm, Neuer, Mesut Ozil, Sam Khedira

2. Personalities: East vs. West vs. Bavaria
Just as American Northerners scoff at Southerners, Germany has its own regional rivalries and personalities. Here it is in three very broad brush strokes:

West Germans: They believe they come from the best part of Germany – and many are afraid to go in the eastwardly direction (fear of neo-nazis, lack of infrastructure, all the stereotypes). Educated but often arrogant individuals. As a German ex of mine said, “We are America’s rich son-in-law.” Only a West German would say that nonsense.

East Germans: the metaphorical step sister to West Germany’s post-war Cinderella story. Since shortly before the fall of the Berlin Wall, they grew up with the perception that West Germany is more desirable, more sophisticated, and the one that every hot economy wants to date. But with that insecurity comes a personality that, in my opinion from having briefly worked in the East, is more tender, down-to-earth, and my personal favorite: quiet.

Can you guess where this MTV Germany host Joko Winterscheidt is from? Duh. West Germany. And I can verify that he is a tool.

Can you guess where MTV Germany host Joko Winterscheidt is from? West Germany. The picture here makes it oh-so-obvious.

Bavarians: Consider this group the German equivalent of America’s conservative South: deeply rooted in tradition, laden with gentlemen, and no one can understand what they’re saying with their thick accent.

Berliners: The wild card; a cocktail of West and East Germans.

3. Be direct and open to direct comments
No one can mind read, but here’s why it won’t bode particularly well in Germany: Die Deutsche Leute are direct – and they expect a well crafted communication style in return. If you say: “Everything is fine.” Then baby, everything is fine.  They will tell you how they feel without any coaxing, and you ought to do the same.

Tip: If you lack talent in expressing your feelings (like me), you should stick to native English speakers who can interpret – and register –  the art of passive aggression.

4. Sex is…
My friends’ responses on sex usually depend on their relationship status: Those who are blissfully dating will say it’s great, but nothing mind-blowing; those who have moved on say it’s anticlimactic and lacks sensuality; while the bitter broads compare it to German engineering: efficient, practical, but above all – quick.

However the above isn’t entirely fair. Major German cities are known for boasting both mainstream and underground sex and fetish clubs that are sure to house men that would make Christian Grey look like a timid schoolboy. So if kink’s your calling, these places are beckoning.

5. Cheap heap
In the expat community, Germans are known for being tight. Case and point: I know of a groom that once ordered Chinese delivery for his wedding reception dinner AND made guests pay for it. Another groom had friends work without pay at his reception to cut costs, effectively sidelining them from the celebrations (Note: both instances took place in West Germany). I could write short stories on anecdotes like this.

Counting coins

So ladies: if you’re at dinner and try to pull the fake “reach” for the bill stunt, you better be ready to follow through. The same goes for offers on drinks, paying for cabs, movies, [insert anything of monetary value here].  In Germany, humility does not call for a polite refusal at the first offer.

6. No relationship defining
When dating Germans, there are no formal discussions on “going steady” or relationship titles. But for those desperate to gauge, here’s my own unproven barometer to help guide:

  • Three dinners or more = you’re dating. If he pays, you’re dating and he’s moving mountains.
  • Sleeping over five times or more = you’re in a relationship. (Exception: if he already directly said he does NOT want anything serious. All men mean it when they say that; don’t try to change him).
  • Moving in together = you’re in a serious relationship. Weddings and babies might be discussed informally, but it doesn’t necessarily mean marriage is on the table. Don’t ever forget it.
  • Marriage = the proposal may be the first time you have ‘the talk’.

7. Know your politics
Germans love a good political debate and it’s impressive how much they know, or at the very least are curious, about current events. You’ll also find it refreshing to go beyond the Red State, Blue State rhetoric by having civilized debates based on reason rather than emotion.

German Chancellor Angela Merkel with Hilary Clinton

German Chancellor Angela Merkel with Hilary Clinton

8. No sarcasm
Don’t believe what you hear, Germans do have a good sense of humor – just more deadpan than slapstick. But if you want to be funny do avoid sarcasm because it won’t register with Germans unless they are exceptionally fluent.

Tip: Germans tend to prefer British wit (think Monty Python) to the crass American humor (think – actually, don’t think – of Bridesmaids sink defecation scene).

Boateng Brothers: The Berlin-born Jérôme (right) and Kevin-Prince (left) are a fine sight.

Boateng Brothers: The Berlin-born Jérôme (right) and Kevin-Prince (left) are a fine sight.

9. They’re a good secret to have
A German acquaintance once said: “We German men are hard to figure out. But if we let you in, you have a great secret all to yourself.”

He’s right. German partners are mainly interested in you. They don’t catcall on the streets. They don’t blatantly flirt with other girls and they don’t eye harass other women (at least not when you’re around, anyway). Germans may seem rough and direct, others wholly reserved – but once you break through that tough, beautiful exterior, you’ve earned their trust. And you’ll find a side that is sensitive, loveable, and indeed – a secret worth keeping.

*Disclaimer: Of course there are many exceptions. Relax. This is light hearted love on well-known stereotypes. 

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130 thoughts on “9 things to know before dating German men

  1. Sandy says:

    I am an American woman dating a German man. The comments here are pretty accurate with small differences as exceptions. I met my guy online as the only woman that responded to his solicitation. He had no information on his site but was sending greetings to ladies of his choice via email. As the only one to respond, I tried to teach him how to navigate the site so he could get a better response by putting more info on his web page. After two or three calls to try to help him make corrections on his site, he told me he didn’t need to make corrections. I told him he had to if he wanted women to answer his attempts. His response was Classic German……he said,” I don’t need other women. I have you!” We have been an item ever since.
    I too wondered just how interested he may have been in me because he wasn’t (and still isn’t) outspoken about his intentions but it doesn’t take a genius to know he’s very interested by inviting me to meet his family in Germany for a six week visit after he invited me to visit him in a nearby city where he was working. He got a new hotel room with two beds and was hospitable without any flirtatiousness at first. He paid for every dinner. He opened every door. Insisted I order first. Took me shopping and paid for a welding helmet my son needed for welding school. (Not a cheap item at $200) He asked me to lay with him one night in his bed as we went to sleep arm in arm. Then the next night, he made love to me without ever saying a word to give me an idea of his feelings what-so-ever. He did tell me once that I looked very nice.
    So as you can see, my experience with him is not cold, stingy or lacking in chivalry, but he has yet to say to me once how he feels. His actions are more than enough. It’s my opinion that he expects me to be smart enough to know how he feels by his actions and if I can’t see that, I’m too stupid for him to bother with. The funny thing is that I totally agree. Lol!!!!
    Granted, I was sure to let him know of my interest on our first night together (although in separate beds) by giving him a massage before we went to sleep. I gave him a massage the next morning too before he went to work without encouraging him to be late. I respected his time frame and kept him within the preset boundaries of his schedule to show I respected him and his efforts at work. I am also a punctual person by nature which he appreciates. I am not political but I correct for that by encouraging him to speak his mind on the subject and I simply interject when I have an opinion. He enjoys dominating the conversation and being strongly opinionated. I encourage this behavior since it is a turn on to me. I prefer a strong personality as opposed to a quieter one that registers as weaker to me. I am a strong personality and very outspoken. He respects that in me and we seem to match very well without offending each other.
    Without coming straight out by saying it…..he gave me a good idea of his intentions by telling me about the protocols of his culture concerning relationship. First, he said, you graduate from school, then you get a job, then you get a house then you get a wife. A house always comes before a wife. At present, he lives in hotels due to his job demanding him to travel but soon after we met and before he made love to me, he began shopping for a house and wanted me to help him choose one by looking for him, sending him pics of the ones I liked so he could then choose from the ones I liked. He never once asked if I would live with him. He simply told me to help him pick a house that “we” would both enjoy. He will understand my interest in his proposition by my active participation in the house hunting or my indifference and lack of the same. I won’t have to say it. He will see it by my behavior.
    So, as you can see, it’s not hard to know what’s on his mind. We as Americans have simply become spoiled by having everything spelled out for us. He not only is interested, but is wanting to spend his life with me, and by the way he made love to me that night, is very in love and will make me very happy. He’s a definite keeper!!!!
    I am not so weak in my self esteem that I need a man flattering me all the time. I prefer action over words any day! Viva La Germany!!!!

    • American girl says:

      Thank you for sharing this, I am going to German in June to visit what I pray will turn into somthing serious. He is coming to the US (which I appreciate so much) to help me get through customs and navigate the airports. Your so right about spelling things out. Us Americans expect things to be spelled out. It is intresting sometimes he asks me if I can spell things (not sure if it’s because of different meanings or he is testing me or trying to know where I stand in the relationship?)

      But your right if we can’t read between the lines and not over an think things and worry, we have no bussiness being in that relationship. Onever thing he does also make a point to tell me how beautiful I am, and is so spontaneous (like buying flowers for memorials and me).

      Also, we talk about marriage and children informally alot. I know he wants children an discuss shocked to hear about the lack of prenatal and post natal care that US offers for women.

      His job is really demanding too as he travels, but constantly tells me he uses his hotel for sleeping only (not prostitutes or other women).

      Just by reading your post, he wants to engage in somthing more with you than boyfriend and girlfriend. Asking you to shop for a house is a big deal to germans. He eventually (if all goes as planned) want you to live there with you. He wants you to find a place where you will be happy and thrive.

      • Nettie Lovejoy says:

        Wow..Sandy..you have answered all my questions in one reply.
        I have been talking online to a german man for over a week..2nd time talking he tells me it is just us now..him and me..every one else can go-on the date site..i live in Australia him in Berlin…i asked him out for a cup of coffee..knowing full well he wouldn’t come living so far away (meant it to be a joke) ..not really expecting anything to come of it..he has the most beautiful smile..a smile i could look at for the rest of my life..and yes..all those things about their nature you are spot on and i havn’t even met him yet..have to respect his work time..a man of very little words but says heaps…very sure of a future together..one week..omg..works 6 days a week and goes to church (my favourite thing).and i find i’m daydreaming about him now..he says a long distance relationship can be romantic and secure and also make each other long for each other..its working for sure..first timer for me..and very strong accent..hard to understand when talking on phone.totally opposite to an Australian man..not interested in sex or mention of it..in Australia men want it first date or talk about it anyway..this german man..is so so very very different. .but im up for the challenge. .i really don’t want to lose him now..he is so so sweet without even realizing it…i think im going to have to study a whole lot about germany today..thankyou for your insights..Nettie

      • Nettie Lovejoy says:

        Are all Berliners traveling businessmen..he travels constantly. .being first time for a long distance relationship. .am realizing it is going to have its downs..any suggestions for me to keep myself not so jealous i suppose..not really knowing this man in real..as it is just online at the moment. .and he sounds lovly..perfect but very very different to the way i was brought up..

      • Lola Jean says:

        Are you positive he is German? East Berlin is also the name of a small town in Pennsylvania (PA). That’s my first thought as to what that could mean.

    • Jessica Nicole says:

      I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS STORY! Thank you for sharing. We have a lot in common with our German men. May you have a beautiful future together.

    • Nettie says:

      Wow..Sandy..you have answered all my questions in one reply.
      I have been talking online to a german man for over a week..2nd time talking he tells me it is just us now..him and me..every one else can go-on the date site..i live in Australia him in Berlin…i asked him out for a cup of coffee..knowing full well he wouldn’t come living so far away (meant it to be a joke) ..not really expecting anything to come of it..he has the most beautiful smile..a smile i could look at for the rest of my life..and yes..all those things about their nature you are spot on and i havn’t even met him yet..have to respect his work time..a man of very little words but says heaps…very sure of a future together..one week..omg..works 6 days a week and goes to church (my favourite thing).and i find i’m daydreaming about him now..he says a long distance relationship can be romantic and secure and also make each other long for each other..its working for sure..first timer for me..and very strong accent..hard to understand when talking on phone.totally opposite to an Australian man..not interested in sex or mention of it..in Australia men want it first date or talk about it anyway..this german man..is so so very very different. .but im up for the challenge. .i really don’t want to lose him now..he is so so sweet without even realizing it…i think im going to have to study a whole lot about germany today..thankyou for your insights..Nettie

    • seno says:

      indian dating a german classmate not sure if he is serious with me but he love debating politics n yeah super stingy but i love the way he is..:)

    • Sabrina Rocha says:

      I love your story. It sounds almost like a fairytale. Love Germany, they are people you can trust with closed eyes 😍😍

  2. Melissa says:

    Thank you for your story.I just met a German man online&he seems to be a great guy,been chatting w/him since Fri ,labor day weekend &he has not yet talked about having sex,he has told me how beautiful I am &of course a woman always digs that..he lives 3hrs from me but I’m willing to make that drive to see what I’m getting into w/him.He’s a very nice looking man&seems to be a ‘gentleman .’What really makes me attracted to him is that he doesn’t talk about sex,but he has talked about cuddling&that was just yesterday. ..thank you again for your story,it gavee a better look on my situation.

  3. Mel says:

    Love this article. I met my German 6 years ago when he was on a working holiday in my native, Australia. It took nearly a year of working together and friendship before he made a move and in the 5 years we’ve been together we’ve still never had a “relationship talk” 🙂 he is smart, well educated, and has an incredible sense of humour (very dry). He is a walking contradiction sweet & sensitive yet hard & firm, serious yet playful, passionate yet indifferent, out spoken & opinionated yet can spend hours even days lost in his own thoughts. The first time I visited Germany to meet his family and friends we took a camping trip to the Alps. I commented that he was like the Mountains. Beautiful but scary, light and dark, warm and cold. He just smiled at me shrugged and said “they’re just mountains.” 5 years on he’s still Mein Bergmann (my mountain man) my solid, my steady, my constant, my unmovable rock, loyal to his very core.
    German men, no longer the worlds best kept secret 😉

    • S.Burnett says:

      “They’re just mountains.” Ha! I love your story, Mel, (I laughed out loud at parts) and am so pleased to hear that an Aussie gal found her Bergmann. And I’ve a sneaky feeling he’s happy Abbott is gone! 😉

  4. Lois says:

    Wow, loved this article, really helped me to understand a German I’ve been dating off and on for over 4 years. Because of my inability to read him, I took our relationship directly to the friend zone, and he got into a relationship with another woman, which for some reason made me jealous. Then he relocated for a few years, meanwhile, I’ve had one disastrous relationship after another, so remained single. When he relocated back to our city (we’re both expats in the gulf) he contacted me via email to meet for drinks. I would always sort of blow him off, because he never made a romantic gesture, going out with him was like hanging out with a friend, and I wanted to more. I finally went out with him for drinks, and decided to open up more, realizing that I was just as closed as he was, holding on to my own southern old fashioned ideals, that the man should make the first move. I just boldly asked him if he was attracted to me, and his reply was of course, you’re a very beautiful woman..so I asked why he never tried to kiss me..he read my “playing hard to get” southern woman ethics as rejection. So realizing our cultural misunderstanding, I basically told him it was okay to kiss me, without saying it..and when he did..OMG, he moved mountains, never been kissed like that in my life..and I’ve dated all the so-called romantic nationalities..Spanish, Italians, etc..but no kiss as gentle, passionate, and memorable as the one with this German. i wanted to rip his clothes off..but being a reserved Southern girl, I restrained myself. But now all I can do is day dream about this man day and night..thinking I was a fool to allow all these years pass, because i’ve just learned that he is relocating again..and his response to me was..Why do you wait until now to start this…

  5. Kass says:

    I have a question. I’ve read somewhere else and based on comments here that when dating a German guy I shouldn’t expect a label on the relationship anytime soon. Do you think that it would be fine if I date around with other guys until I have assurance that he wants to be in a steady relationship? Of course, he’ll know about me dating but will this be something offensive?

    • S.Burnett says:

      Thanks for reaching out, Kass. There’s several things to consider. For starters, whose turf are you on? Is Herr German in your area, or are you in Germany dating? If the former, carry on as you are. But more importantly, if you’re honest about your expectations early on (ie. you’re dating others) no matter where you are, he’ll be receptive to that and appreciate the honesty. I will give a personal anecdote: When I lived in Germany I spent time with a local lad (Germans and most Europeans hate the phrase “date”, so I say “spend time”) for several days – we played sports together and I ate at his place a couple times. I then left the country for a couple weeks for some meetings, and had some “fun”, and mentioned it to him casually a week or two after my return to Germany. He was hurt, but not offended. And that’s where we talked about what he wanted (which was something more serious) and I decided to go along that route. That being said, I’ve had flings where a German guy doesn’t mind that you’re dating others, but prefers that you keep the details to yourself. Unfortunately, or even thankfully, there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. Good luck, and keep us posted!

  6. I met my German man on tender when he was in town for work. We didn’t hook up in the traditional sense instead we went to lunch yes he made me pay my half which was a little disconcerting. The next day we went out for drinks and he we drink a lot of wine and he pay for all of that which I was surprised on the following day he came over and I made breakfast and he helped. And he said we get along very easily it’s very easy don’t you think? So after that he went back to Germany and we were friends through whatsapp now we did like each other at the time and made out but I just figured well he’s in Germany will be friends. It turned out we will whatsapp each other every other day me and it was a brief meeting in person but we stay in contact and somehow we fell into being friends very easily. I had dated other people he had dated a quote crazy french girl and quote he was going to come back to the US to meet some girl he met in Philly but then one day he had a revelation. In typical German style straight no chaser he says I think you and I get along very good I like talking to you I feel that I can tell you everything about me and it feels better than with the other girl. Then he went on to say that when he was here visiting the US with me he was still involved with the previous girl and he realized that he was not paying attention to who was right in front of him. We do have a lot in common and we get along very easily so he decided that he would like to meet me again when he comes to the US so we are going to meet in Chicago for New Years Eve it’s pretty romantic I hope it goes well he has his German issues and peculiarities but I’m also pretty direct person so plus he’s super gorgeous I mean model gorgeous

  7. AmericanGirl says:

    You are absolutely hilarious!! Thank you for this amusing guide and the nuggets of truth!! Your observations and interpretations are very well written and made me literally laugh out loud and slap my knees in public!

      • Anonymous says:

        I am a German Samoan so yeah
        I met my German when..
        Well actually we were childhood friends!
        It all started when my family and I went to the playground (P.S I’m in NZ). I went on a web swing and asked my sister if she could push me (yeah I was such a lazy 10 yr old). Goddamn my sister pushed my so high.. I fell of the swing and kicked someone in the face and landed on something (or someone) hard and solid.
        I looked to see a tall muscular blond with blue eyes
        He. Is. So. Hot
        He basically looks like a freaking god. A GOD
        I fangirled until I saw him glare at me

        He still hot tho
        Anyways
        I said sorry and he smiled and we started talking
        I kinda felt sorry for him cuz my big bro gave him the evil eyes the whole time we were talking.
        A few years came along and he asked me to meet him at the park where we first met so I got ready and drove off.
        At the park we sat under a tree
        We talked and laughed
        And he started leaning in . I did the same and we. Kissed!
        But unfortunately we saw a bright light and laughing. We saw his older brother taking a picture of us!
        He chased his older bro as I ate the potato and wurst he made for us.
        The end

  8. Dani says:

    It’s odd how accurate a lot of this is. I met my German guy last January online. Although we didn’t really start talking until August when I showed him a German tank engine I got, we’re both into trains. We only started getting closer a few months ago, I was going through a tough time and he was there for me. It was then that my feelings for him began to change, that and his voice is amazing. I love his rolled ‘R’. He literally has no German accent speaking English, except on certain syllables. He sounds like he’s from England or Scotland.
    I eventually found out that he liked me too, though he didn’t show it at all. The only hint I got of his intentions was when I told him I was considering living in Germany that he would be “very” happy to help me integrate into the country. We eventually confessed our interest in each other and, after some discussion since he’s in Germany and I’m in the US, we got together the day before Christmas Eve, quite a nice present I think.
    He is reserved, but can be opinionated. He loves politics and while I don’t know a lot about the happenings within Germany, we’re able to discuss what’s going on in the US. He has trouble voicing his feelings but has no trouble telling me he loves me. He does have a thing for being orderly and upholding rules although he won’t admit it. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve suggested something and he’ll worry about getting in trouble. He is loving and supportive with a thing for classic romance, a contrast to the seemingly cold and reserved trait that’s often placed on the Germans. He’s there for me when I need him and will comfort me when I desperately need it. He’s moved mountains like no other man I’ve been with.
    He’s also been teaching me German and I know call him “mein Schnucki.” I plan on seeing him this summer and am hopeful for our future despite the distance. He makes me so happy it’s almost hard to believe!
    It seems that even German men like chocolate.

    • Mae says:

      Thank you for sharing your story I too am from the U.S. and I love older guys even though I’m only 15 so around 16-18 is my dating range and recently I saw that a guy texted me on kik saying hey and I looked at him and didn’t find him attractive but so I just accepted his request and said like the casual hey how are you and asking for basic info and I found out he was 17 and was from Germany and mamaw has told me about how she lived in Germany as a kid but it’s very vague since she was so young but as we started talking I felt different about him he was very kind and he always said how I was stunning or that he liked my hair and eyes and even tho he’s used the word sexy before he likes stunning better which is amazing bc u.s. boys hardly never say simple sweet words like stunning. But even tho we’ve only talked for a few days I can feel that he’s different then the other LDR (long distance relationship) I’ve had even tho were not dating we say love you to each other and he always in on time with texting me at the same time at night and we have names for each other and he has said that it would be amazing to date me BC I live politics and can definitely hold my spot in a convo about it.he is open about his feeling kind of but I love that about him and he definitely isn’t afraid to say I love you!!!! So I’m hoping to move there when I’m older bc to me hands down German men are better than U.S. men.

  9. aula says:

    Will somebody please explain the NON DIRECTNESS of German men? Sure, they will tell you when you have broken some “rule” they have–eventually. But the two I have dated are like donkeys–they just refuse to give information. Something bothers them and they won’t say why. They keep their cards close to their vest.

    • Dr rainbow says:

      My first encounter with a German man was in medical school – I’d always heard Germans were frank and direct…and well, he was all that, commenting that he was interested if his friend wasn’t. In hindsight I should have gone for the German; witty, handsome, tall, nice physique…but years later I may have never met my current German boyfriend with whom we have one son. He a cop and me a dr who would have thought we’d be a top match. He’s your typical frank and direct man and yet he displays emotion not by action but by words. He has a sense of humor that is admirable and he is unashamedly a gentleman who invariably opens doors, give flowers, a kiss on the cheek upon greeting and never ceases to amaze me on his candidness about how he feels and about us. Being away from him now for more than a few months confides in me about things that worry him and could not be more open about his undying love for me. I love this man and could not be more happy. My advice for dating Germans is don’t pussy foot around or they will move on, be direct and non sarcastic. If you like him/her tell her upfront and if you find yourself splitting bills then consider yourself a friend. As a suspicious people you’ll need to reciprocate the frankness and candidness.or they will think you are using them for citizenship, a flight, a dinner etc.

  10. Laura says:

    Hello 🙂

    Well, I was thinking you could probably help me with this, I met a German guy online, and after two day we couldn’t stop chatting with each other, when I woke up the first thing I did was wrtiye to him for hours until it was like 3-4 am there and he had to sleep, and we were like that for months(all this was in the last summer) but I had to go to the college and sometimes I skip it so I could write all day Long, but when he started to go to college, he didn’t answer me that much :/ and less and less and all changed from one day to other and I felt like I wasn’t important for him anymore, (at the beginning I saw him as friend but weeks later he told me he liked me and I was in shock and then I felt the same for him as well) so I told him that if he didn’t want to talk with me anymore it would be good and he said he didn’t want to stop talking with me 🙁 but also said that when summer ended everything had to go back to normal, and months later I regret my decision and asked him to be my friend again and he said yes, but he doesn’t talk with me if I don’t send him a message first.
    And I miss him, but I don’t want to beg him or anything similar, what can I do? I asked him what was the problem and he said there wasn’t any, but I don’t trush him a lot because he never liked to Skype with me or call me and rather told me lies or excuses (we Skype like twice so he is real :p) please help me, I miss my friend a lot, two months ago I sent him a letter telling him how much I sorry for ended our friendship.

    • S.Burnett says:

      Hi Laura,

      Thanks for sharing your story! To start, it’s worth reflecting on what you want. Do you want to only a platonic relationship with him? Are you wanting something more? These are two important questions to consider. If the former, what are your expectations of your friendship? Long-distance friendships are also hard, and require a lot of support and patience. I’m not sure how long he’s been in college, but it may be worth waiting for him to settle down into this new life before getting too frustrated. And even after he’s settled in, if it’s only a platonic friendship you’re after, hold him up to the same standards as you would any other girlfriend or gentleman you see as ‘just a friend’. Your German friend may be hesitant at being so forthcoming in friendly outreach because it was ended on your accord, so he may be treading carefully. That’s not your fault by any means, it’s no one’s fault, but it’s one possible – and natural – reaction on his end. Give it some time.

      If you’re wanting something more than a friendship, the great thing about Germans is that they respect you asking questions up front – and won’t hold it against you. Simply ask him, more or less: ‘Hey schöner Mann, I’ve really come to value this friendship we have and in the process, I have developed feelings for you. There’s no pressure on your end, but I was wondering if you feel the same. Regardless, I still value what we have now – but thought it worth you knowing how I felt.’ But be prepared for an answer you may not like, and if you still want him in your life as a friend (and he’s willing) – be ready to stand by his answer and move forward with him as a friend. If you don’t want to be friends with him, make sure it’s a decision you want beforehand – and not one made for feeling scorned. And then babes, it’s onward and upwards from here. There’s plenty of more German men around who’ll appreciate your time and investment in him.

      Good luck! And let us know how it goes.

      S.

  11. Kanwal says:

    Its quite interesting to see the replies here. I will tell you my story . Iam from India and I met this German man online. We started talking on watsapp. I met him 2 months ago online but never in person. Hes a cardiologist and is in Sydney right now. At first after our few talks he asked me to skype but I cudnt as my webcam wasnot working. He got pissed off and called me a fake and blocked me from everywhere. I was ok with it as I hadnt developed any feelings for him. But after 15 days all of a sudden he popped up again and apologised for his silly behaviour, I forgave him and since then we are in touch almost everyday. We skype, we watsapp and we even talk on fone. He is visiting India this monthend and we are planning to meet. However last weel hasnt gone good. We hardly had any conversation for the past last week. Although he called and apologised 3 days back and said he is very busy with work and by the end of the day he gets tired alot. I am quite understanding about it. But lately I feel I have started to develop feelings for him. And I am not sure if he is at the same level too. Although he has often said he likes me and he thinks Iam cute and all. But that doesnt serve the purpose. I am quite confused here. We talk about everything. We talk about how was our day at work, what did we eat at dinner, daily chores and yeah sex too. We do have sex on skype. But I am still not sure. Is it that Iam expecting alot or Iam just rushing into things.

  12. Adrian says:

    In a German man and just came to see what my partner goes through. I can say most is pretty true especially the West German thing of course me being of a West German family I was always thought them dirty and poor.

  13. Atika says:

    Hello 🙂

    Thank you for sharing, this article and all the stories here are just lighten me up about a German man. I’ve spent yesterday afternoon chatting with a German man online and I just knew I like him already. From the way he talked and gave his opinions I knew that he is a smart guy and seems like a gentlemen. And one thing that make me enjoy the conversation was he didn’t talk about sex at all, not even lead me to talk about it. It doesn’t mean that I don’t want to talk about it but bringing it on the first time conversation is not a good idea for me. He really knows how to say things. He knows exactly how to respond me.
    If only I found this article before yesterday, maybe I would keep his contact and talk more. If only I knew that they won’t openly ask for something, I WOULD ask his other social media to keep in touch. From the article and all the stories above, I don’t know why but I think this is the kind of a man that I wanna live my life with.

  14. MJ says:

    Hey! Loved this!
    I definitely agree that Germans aren’t really open with their emotions. I met a German guy about a month ago when I was there on vacation! To be honest, after we talked I really didn’t think it would go anywhere since we’re in different continents. I’m in Africa, he’s in Europe. He asked for my contacts and we’ve been talking everyday ever since. I really don’t know how this will go and I’ve decided to just go with the flow. The closest hing he’s come to share any sort of feelings was saying “I really like talking to you”. Anyway I really like him and I’m so glad I took up German for four semesters in Uni.
    *Hoping for the best*

  15. HEY

    Thanks so much for all your replies.its quite educating . i need help and from what i have read here it seems Germans have similar altitudes . i met a very nice German gentleman online who resides in Germany but i live in italy. Actually it was like play as i winked him after some days he replied me by introducing himself and told me he is just curious to know me ,That he is more interested in Asians but after chatting with me on dating line for 4 hrs from his place of work., we exchange numbers and continue from whats app. i started developing feelings for him and we were so free and open minded to each other. he told me about his ordeals over his 19yrs of marriage and i did to him too. so the problem is that he gives me attentions tells me where and whatever he is doing. we exchanges pics via whatsaap . we met online on Monday then on Thursday and Friday he went shopping furniture for his new apartment. He told me before going and sent me pic to choose or advice him which i did. i asked him about all the dates he had he told me but said that since he met me he now finds out that sex is not only what he is looking for but the”chakra model” meaning combination of brains emotion and sexuality. But to my stupidity i kept telling him i want something serious other than one time sex ,he told me initially that he wants a companion not sex but you can know how stupid i am i kept telling him as if am desperate. so he said he enjoyed chatting with me that am a lovely and intelligent lady. he will prefer us to be friends now that he cannot promise what he cannot do. That he likes me and had a little feelings for me that he want to get clearer picture of everything. i told him i like him and cant be his friend if he doesn’t want to go further . He said i should keep his number and maybe anytime i want to talk to him as a friend. so i got annoyed and deleted his number and contact but after some hours i found out i have develop a deep sentiment for him so i talk to a white male friend of mine. he advised me to look for his contact and accept being his friend maybe with time everything will change and i have to go to germany by August then we can see . i went on site where we met i wrote him he replied me within a space of time. That he appreciate the fact that i accepted his friendship .i told him i will take all the risk to know and have him as a friend . He said but you should not break your heart. All these happen within some days and we have never met. it dawned on me that i have really messed up by being so forwarded so soon. Though we are in contact but dont know what to do .when we met online on monday he told me that he want to visit me immediately over the weekend it was me that insisted no he should wait till August when i will relocate their. please i need a candid advise ..

  16. P says:

    Hi chiccha, German men, especially after a certain age, are obsessed with “the one.” They are very intuitive (or at least think they are) and “know” if a woman is the one or not. That is, they seem to make quick decisions and they have extremely precise standards for what this “one” is like. You will not be able to persuade them otherwise. For one, you will reduce their faith in their decisions if they were to re-decide, based on getting to know you sooner.

    I think that they have a precise idea of what they want and are going to let a woman please their ego with their attention, maybe sleep with her (but maybe not, as they seem to really commit themselves to this looking for the one.) Sex would be limited to mutual masturbation or even less, uni directional. Meanwhile, they will take your attention and, as GIVING attention engages a woman, she will fall while he will not. I would say…a German gives his heart at once or never will. I would advise you not to let yourself be in this position. Yes, you fell for him, but I am sure you have been here before and you know eventually you must admit defeat. Seriously, wait until a guy says wow, I must have you, you make me feel like I want to be here. Otherwise they really like a woman draining themselves for them. They sit back and drink it all up. Not fair, but…

    Guys sadly date cause they are desperate for something physical But then they move on without having given of themselves. Get your own without giving your heart if you need that, but not with him. This sudden wanting to see you is probably a booty call.

    He wants Asians. He has said so. You will not fit his “the one” description. Sad but true. Men are 90% about the physical, no matter how smart and sensitive they are. In today’s world, they are only one more swipe away. One has to wait until a guy is entirely tired of the game.

    Sorry. We are all in the same boat! I would say I am wrong but this guy is giving the WRONG signals. It isn’t worth the investment. You will win the lottery first!

    Good luck! Sorry about the bad news…

    • chiccha says:

      Thanks Stephanie.
      I really appreciate the effort you did by replying me. Yesterday my german man chatted with me.After going through again in some mails here i woke up and decided to send him a message precisely a friendly flower and my best saxo music by Kenny G. He replied me with thanks and appreciation. During the afternoon I wasnt expecting his messages as he told me he will be with his family .So he sent me his family pic mum and his sisters. I replied by sending some of my family members to him too. So as he reached home later he chatted with me from 6pm till noon at night.he confided in me so many things about his family why he refuses making babies as a result his mother a altitude towards him after she remarried second time coupled with the fact that he never felt that his wife was actually meant for him to make babies. I saw it as an opportunity to console him told him my own little experience in life too. He asked me what i could do if he happens to have someone as a partner .i told him i will be jealousas human but can never changed his decision. I understand that he want to fly like beautifly for all these years he has been caged .That i will support him in his decidion but will always be a shoulder to cry on if he want.he was shocked later he confessed to me that he has about 3 contacts he met online that all these while he never believed that there are amazing women there. Then i turned the table around begin to advise him on what to do to keep those ladies .wasnt concern about myself again.he said who are you?mother Theresa?I said no will support you in your decision in as much as it pleased you. Then I asked him those three ladies are they aware that you are seeing each other ? He said firstly he has met 2 in real life that he tells the first almost everything but the second has alot of complication has kids always asking for money and he just want her for sex.I ask who is the 3 person ofcourse you though we have never met but he finds me so intelligent and we have similar charaterstis. That he respects me for the fact that am so much grounded and have empathy for others .That all these while he doesnt want to offend me by letting me know about other women . I told him it’s alright just take your time explore and then decide what you want to do with your life. He was so much relieved and said he has never discuss these issues with anyone before but only me .That it seems life can be easy with me. That it’s unbelievable That a lady is saying such. He said soon he s going to stop that online stufff toob many women if not he will not concentrate on what he is looking for. Later we discuss about the UEFA league cup between germany and Ukraine. He said now I know why he is running away am I comfortable with his decision. I said I will support him explore and make chioce. Thats it.

  17. P says:

    In my last comment I wrote @the one” because I was writing in English on a German keyboard. Could you please change this to “the one”? Thank you.

  18. P says:

    Hi chiccha,

    I am just one person here but, from my viewpoint, this 3 or 4 day “relationship” has no future. You have just told him to look around and that you will be there. You hope your loyalty will be repaid. In your experience, has your loyalty been repaid up until now? You live far away, and you are willing to buy a plane ticket and show up, if he has time for you in August. Would he want to be responsible for you here when you know his secrets and he is happy dating around? How will it grow while you are apart? You are a great place to “confess” as in church and then leave it there in the church/online.

    I know, he sent you photos of his family. That’s tough “evidence” to ignore. But come on, even if it is all true, he now “owes” you, sight unseen. You feel absolutely generous to a complete stranger–he might as well have landed with a boatload of new immigrants. You want to help him with his future.

    Well, you will be his social worker. Do you want an adult partner or do you want to do good volunteer work? I hear you building up this into something, but it sounds very familiar. Be your own social worker and be understanding to yourself. You should have dates here that are fun, without spending money on a plane ticket. You are dreaming. I don’t think you will wake up, but I think you are setting yourself up. Co Dependents Anonymous is a good group to check out, if you haven’t heard of it.

    I know I am really sounding like a tough person here, but, after 4 days, you should not be giving this person so much “understanding.” He is NOTgoing to fall in love with how understanding you are. That is like beauty, expected, and other women are also kind and lend an ear. You should be laughing, finding similarities, and not talking about problems. My opinion and I know it is not what you want to hear. You are giving way too much out for six hours of conversation and a few photos. Especially when there are at least two to three others who are dancing for him.

    Hold back on your emotional investment!! This is not love yet, or maybe even later. Aack…go out with some good girlfriends who aren’t dreamers and ask your mom, maybe?

    • chiccha says:

      Dear p.
      Thanks for pouring your heart out .sometimes we kept deft ear untill something opens our eyes. Meanwhile am not flying down there for his sake am just relocating finally in Germany. I think one of the reasons I wrote this online is to get peoples opinion like yours.I am greatful and actually am not putting my eggs in one basket funny enough i have alot of people who are on the same site asking me out for coffee while some are busy asking for sex directly lol . So when am there I look around to know how things work there.
      Thanks once again

  19. P says:

    Sure. Glad you were open without getting defensive. Good luck, stay flexible and sadly, remember that men are really used to hitting and running in dating app world. Best wishes!

  20. L.A. says:

    I’m an American woman (30) who recently met (2 weeks ago) a German man (31) while on vacation with my family. I was lying out by the pool and it took him awhile to talk to me because he thought my brother was my boyfriend (as he explained later). He was very kind, talkative, interested in getting to know me (no small talk), respectful and we had so much in common. He kept smiling, laughing and saying “wow I can’t believe how we think so much alike and we have so much in common, it’s unbelievable.” He offered to buy me a drink and lunch at the pool. We exchanged numbers (whatsapp) and he said “we must see each other tonight and hang out.” We hung out and we both had so much fun – – we actually ran into my family (brother, uncle and cousin) and he met them all (btw he wasn’t shy and he was actually happy to have met them, it was pretty cute). Later on in the night, as we were out enjoying drinks, music and talking he finally leaned in and kissed me. It was really passionate and I felt very comfortable with him. At the same time he was very respectful, not trying to do more than kiss me and hold my hand. After getting back to our hotel, we can into my family again and we all actually sat down and ate together.

    After we finished eating, we both said good night, he kissed me on the cheek and we went our separate ways. I was leaving the next morning and he said that he wanted to see me before I left. We saw each other while he and his friend were having breakfast, we chatted for a bit and we said bye. Before leaving he said he wanted to come visit me and he was going to try to visit before he went back to Germany.

    Also, he kept saying the day I left (wed) and the following day (thurs) how he was honestly sad I left and that he’s never met a woman like me. He said “I don’t know why, but you did something to me, you are really different, I’m usually cold with girls I first meet but you listen (just after one day) to me, I trust in you, and you are so cool, funny, cute and sexy.” He told me that his friend even joked and said “why didn’t you marry her?” I could tell he was really into me and I was into him. He mentioned that if we lived in the same country we’d definitely be together but unfortunately we don’t. Later that day I got a text showing me picture of flights, he was planning on visiting me for a day and a half before he went back to Germany (by plane it was only 1 hr away so he kept insisting that he come and see me). However, it was going to be very difficult for him due to work (he has his own business), futbol practice (he plays on a league) and the time difference (Germany is ahead 9 hrs to where I live). He asked me if “I wanted him to come?” and I said “Of course.” I was beyond happy and excited. We kept calling each other during the day and I heard in his voice that he was over the moon to come out and spend time with me (not exaggerating). Sadly, something happened with his credit card and he said he couldn’t pay for his ticket. He had it on reserve earlier that day but for some reason he couldn’t pay for it. I was disappointed of course, but what could I do? Nothing. He apologized the next morning and everything was fine.

    We’ve continued talking mainly through text, sending voice messages and a few times talking on the phone. I’m actually interested in this man but he lives half way around the world. He is different (that may sound cliché but it’s true). We have a lot in common- family life, values, career, sports, music, how we think and analyze things, the list goes on and on. He sends me voice messages a lot over whatsapp because he knows I like to hear his voice. On a daily basis, he texts me his “good morning” (my night), we usually talk about work, things that are happening around the world (especially the recent attacks in Germany), what we are both doing and that’s pretty much it. However, I noticed this past week he takes a while to respond to my texts (even though I know he’s on whatsapp because it tells you the last time he was on). I’ve made it very clear that he’s welcome to come visit me anytime but he hasn’t given me that reassurance that he definitely wants to come the way he was doing it last week (I know, I probably sound like a typical American woman with the whole “reassurance thing”). He was very lovey dovey through texts for the first week but I see it’s been getting less and less every day. Also, just recently he hasn’t texted me in the last 2 days. I know I’m over analyzing it but I can’t help but to feel a bit sad. Do I mention something to him without sounding needy? (If I do, how should I approach it?) Do I just sit back and let things happen organically? I’d really appreciate some feedback.

    • chocochic says:

      Hmm seems like I’m in a similar situation as you! I hope someone can give us advices on this haha.
      I met a German guy(27) through an app while I(23) was in Germany, he works in Switzerland. We would chat alot (sometimes I would forget to reply, sometimes he would) and that continued for a month and a half. I had an opportunity to visit him in Switzerland for two days so I booked a bus ticket and we decided to hang out together from Friday evening. Things went really well, he bought dinner worth 200 euro(he earns alot so i guess price didnt matter to him.. Whereas to me it did) and then we went street partying and ended up kissing for 4hours and then he walked with me all the way to my hostel and decided to see each other again the next day. So saturday I spent the whole day with him, he suggested not taking the bus back home so I cancelled it and took the other one on Sunday morning so saturday evening i stayed at his place, making out but no sex. But he admitted that he never fell so quickly for someone like this before and we both verbally said that we liked each other alot. And he said that he would come to my residing city in Germany on the end of the month because he had work anyways. And then I went back to Germany.
      After that we messaged everyday, he went to asia to travel for two weeks holiday and we would write when possible..which was almost everyday.. He would also ask when we can meet again before I leave Germany to go back to my home country and I was like ‘well you’re coming to Munich at the end of the month! Right?’ And he was like yes yes I will.
      Turns out, his work schedule changed and he had to go to another city in Germany instead of Munich where I reside, but he still managed to come all the way from Friday afternoon till Sunday morning. He left his workplace on friday early for me.. Booked a hotel for his stay but I was also allowed to have breakfast and use the lounge etc.. So i stayed with him during the weekend ahaha and no sex again because I had my periods, just alot of kissing and dry humping ahaha
      But he was so well mannered, educated, he pays for everything, i bought him drinks once 🙁 but I regret not paying more.. Maybe I should have.. But he said that I’m a student so I shouldn’t..
      Anyways I left Europe, now back to my home country and he said he will visit in November but nothing is sure.. And we do text everyday but I dont know if its because of the time difference or if it is because of his text style but I only hear from him once a day, maybe 3-5messages on whatsapp, very short and just informative ahaha and I dont know what I have to do because the text is not enough for me.. I like him alot but I dont know what is in his mind.. Was I just for fun, did he come all the way for sex or smth (he would never be flirty through text! I tried to do it a few times but I only get hahas and nothing else ahaha so no sex topics on whatsapp with him) and I’m just super puzzled with his actions.. What is this?? I’m not his girlfriend but also not dating him or what the hell is thisssss

  21. Andrea Malabanan says:

    I met a German guy online, this website is for people who learn the German language. He messaged me first then added me on skype. Then at first he seems to be so eager to know me. He asks how many sibling I do have then what’s my job then what’s my plan for the future then if I have a certain plan. He also told me about his siblings and some other stuff. Those things happened for two days only. On the first day we had video chat, then wow omg he was so handsome. His smile is so charming, but he looks so tough. He seemed to be comfortable talking to me. Then he taught me some vocab in German before we bid goodbye (because I said my mom needs me downstairs and he said why, it’s late now right). Then when I saw my profile on that website where we met I saw that he unfriended me. Then on the second day, I chatted him first then he replied and asked me about my plans in the future and how long have I been single. I told him wow what a random question. Then he said it’s a well-thought of question, nothing happens accidentally with me. I then asked him why do you ask? THen he said why do I ask what? For me to get to know you more.. All that stuff, my comment is getting so long now. Then now, I just chat him earlier I said sorry for disturbing you today then I asked him to translate something for me in German. Then he said Hi Andera (which is annoying because he misspelled my name for the second time), you’re never disturbing me. It’s like he’s not interested with me anymore. He just said bitte and never asked ff up questions. I like him but he broke my heart :'( Huhu he is super duper cute but he seems like he’s talking to other girls.

  22. Jess says:

    I’ve been “dating” this German guy for a few months now and am very confused by his behavior. We both got along really great and he would do little things like put his hand on my back and turn to look at me and smile for no reason, but he would never kiss me, hold hands or anything like that. I know that German men tend to be a little more slow when it comes to that kind of stuff, so I wasn’t pushy or anything, especially since we would always have so much fun together. He would continuously ask me to do things and would remember literally everything I’d tell him about myself and my life and always seemed curious to know more. And he would always want to pay for everything. The only thing he’s ever let me pay for was a hot dog for him when he took me to a football (soccer) game. Then on our 9th or 10th date, he took me up to the rooftop of his apartment to stare at the stars. I was thinking it was all very romantic and he was finally going to kiss me. Well then he proceeds to tell me he really (emphasis on really) likes to hang out with me and he thinks I’m attractive but doesn’t really feel as if there’s chemistry between us. It came so out of the blue that I just told him I was fine with being friends. Then when it came time for me to go home he says “are you going to be alright getting home? Because you can stay and sleep in my bed.” Which totally threw me off considering he’d never even kissed me. When he hugged me goodbye he lingered in a way he hadn’t before. The next time we got together he asked me if I was dating anyone because he admitted to looking at my dating profile and saw I had put up a new photo. When I told him I hadn’t, he then told me that he deleted his profile which on one of our earlier dates he’d said he’d had for over two years. Then for the whole rest of the date he would continue with the small touches on my back and at one point put his arm around me. Toward the end of the night, he kept trying to prolong our outing by suggesting we stop at different places for a drink. Then a few days later he left for Germany to visit his family and texted me while he was there. I sent him a text back and have received no reply. I’m extremely confused by his behavior and am not sure if it’s a German guy thing or just a guy thing.

  23. Mia says:

    Omg.. This is hilarious. I can relate in some of the stories. I met a guy in an app and we exchanged number (whatsapp) so we’ve been chatting for a month now. We decided to meet in person but it took a while because of our busy scheds. But when i met him, he was really nice, he paid the bill tho i offered to split it. He was gentleman,cute and intelligent l. We had a nice convesation tho it was a quick one because i have to work in the afternoon. Then he told me that he is looking forward in meeting me again. He travelled often and when he was back which was last week, he asked me out again. We met over lunch and of course i expect that he’d allow me to pay as we are both earning well but he insist to pay. I feel good when im with him because he is such a gentleman. The kind of guy who would rush to held the door open for you. (Coz i walk fast). On our most recent lunch, he would put some food on my played which made me feel good. He told just the other night that he would love to cook for me one of these days. I think its funny because tho i know that he made an effort to see me but i cant jump into a conclusion if he likes ne or what or maybe just expanding his circle of friends are we are both expat in this country. So i guess i will just go with the flow. He told me after our most recent lunch that he is looking forward in seeing me again but he hasn’t set up a date yet. So im not sure if i should ask him or what.. he never fails to drop a message per day. And i would reply buy we don’t really chat long. I am glad to have found this link and get some ideas about a German man.

  24. Penelope says:

    Hi
    Can anyone help?
    I met my German online and we’ve been together a year and a half. We moved in together 4 months ago and things are good on the surface but I often feel like something is missing?
    I’m a big talker and he’s typically reserved. He has a quieter personality but he fits most of the criteria mentioned in this article too.
    We have a good relationship/friendship and he treats me like a Queen, but our relationship is not without its up and downs.
    One of the biggest problems (I feel) is he doesn’t verbally communicate some of the more important things to me and I feel like my intuition (which is usually very good) is completely off with him.
    The sex has been good but not as frequent as it could be. I told him it would help if we could verbally communicate more, as I think that is good relationship etiquette but I also think mental stimulation is a turn on for me; but he didn’t get it. Explaining that he didn’t ever have to ‘talk’ with his previous partners who were all fiery confident Portuguese women.
    It made me feel like we just didn’t get each other. (I’m British by the way).
    Things hit a low point when he turned up late for a family dinner recently as he had to work late.
    He didn’t tell me he was going to be late and I thought that was rude of him.
    He was hardly apologetic and was so tired, he made less of an effort talking to my family. (Who are really important to me…especially if we were to have a future together).
    Again it started to bother me he was so quiet.
    I know it’s his way and we are totally opposite personalities but do I cut my losses with a wonderful boyfriend (who is such a good man in so many other ways) or do I suck it up and start coaching him on how to communicate better?
    He’s such a good guy I know if I let him go I would probably regret it.
    Any advice out there?

  25. Benny says:

    I had to smile when I read Your discription about Ger-Men! I am one of these exotic animals. But indeed there are points which You discribe very good 😉 They are true. Don’t give up – we even can be lovely!!
    🙂 Benny from Potsdam, Germany

  26. CHRISTINE says:

    It’s great to find this posting and interesting to read.
    My first encounter with seeing a German dude. Met him via timder , he was here in the city for 3 weeks for work. We met up for dinner. We split the bill which was cool for me given we just met on tinder. He complimented me. He was pretty charming and authentic as well as handsome. He didn’t really give me any indication he was into me in any way. We had drinks I stayed over and then left the next morning. It felt quite natural . He got busy I got busy and we had random late night messages. He was not one to talk about sex, he was enthusiastic that we have had good conversations about all sorts of topics. We met up for a quick lunch as we couldn’t get our schedules to work , I ended up coming late to his hotel and stayed over. Not something I would normally do given he was essentially a stranger. He was very about schedules which I put down to him being here for work. He was cute cos there was a boyish charm about him from asking me about what Color he should wear .. He invited me to have drinks at the hotel he was at with his colleagues. I passed as I was super tired and didn’t feel like hanging out. He went back to Germany – we talked and he invited me to see his beautiful city. I have just come back and it was an interesting time.

    I stayed with him during that time – a week. I was concerned I would be in his way and wanted to starless bit he was insistent.

    Now I wonder what next.

    During that time I wasn’t sure if his lack of affection meant what? I needed attention – a kiss a hug , touch.. It’s natural for me when I am with someone. And it definately not natural to him. He is a very warm person with an extremely good heart. But touch is not something that comes naturally. Chivalrous and a gentleman in every other way. He went out of his way to cook for me everyday but yet night times were odd.i was starting to feel rejected or he just decided he wasn’t into me anymore…he definately had his own rhythm and I didn’t want to invade that either.

    When it was time for me to leave he took me to the airport and invited me back anytime whether he was there or not to stay at his place.

    I have hardly heard from him. He comments on my social media but cannot seem to have a convo longer than hello.

    He’s indeed a good person and we have a connection but given the current behaviour and we live in different continents, and if German make behaviours are as what I have read. What’s my next step if any?

    Harsh but I think the honeymoon is over

    • Nicole says:

      any guy would try to communicate with us in any way they could IF they’re interested in us. i met a German guy online 6 years ago and i just went MIA. despite of the six years of my missing, he still make his effort to look for me, by sending an email asking about how i’m doing. i guess this is the point where i should be repaying him, by not letting him go again. in your case, you should make your move to ask him, if he likes you. i know it sounds desperate, but German guy would really love our outspokenness.

  27. Nicole says:

    i met a German guy (he is 32 and im 28) online 6 years ago. we chatted twice or maybe more, but we both ended up going separate ways (because i backed away, thinking it was impossible to be together because we are so far apart like 6 hours away). then last July, i received an email from him. he was asking about my current life and we exchanged number so we can chat via Whatsapp. everything went pretty good and we started to get comfortable with each other like we used to be 6 years ago. i really like him from the beginning, but i’m too afraid to tell, because we never met and to fall in love with someone you never meet, would be weird. he really likes to share about his life especially job, daily basis and his new house (still under renovation). i really don’t know if he likes me at this point, until he includes me in his future. he would talk about ‘our house’ instead of ‘my house’. he even talked about having kids with me. so, recently, we talked about our plan to see each other and he intend to visit my hometown next year for two weeks. at this point, i am really sure that he is really serious about this relationship. i have to admit that, it’s really confusing sometimes because i always have to read his mind and picking hints. so girls, make your move if you really like them, or else they would think that you don’t like them and feeling rejected would be the worst thing. it would cause no harm if you just tell them you like them. if they give you some sort of ‘i want us to be just friend’ hint, then you know you have to move on. don’t waste your time because they’re really firm to their decision.

  28. Chloe says:

    Your post is very interesting and informative, thank you! I need some insights/help from fellow readers please.

    I have been talking to a German guy for almost two months and we finally went out. Things were going very well and we met every week consistently for three weeks and he expressed his interest for me throughout. He also actively texted me his location when he was traveling out of town for work. However we are not big fan of texting so we don’t exchange texts every other minute but would text everyday just to say our greetings. I like him a lot as he is always genuine and kind. But after the third date (after he tried to crack a really dry joke to inform me that he is back in town and I replied with sarcasm because he unknowingly offended me), he stopped texting me actively.

    So I decided to text him first for the first time to ask when he wanted to hang out again. He gave me a smiley when he received my text but told me he was busy over the weekend. He did explain in detail (who bothers to explain in detail if they are not interested?) what exactly he was busy with eg “so sorry *inserts my name, I needed the whole day to clean up my room and do etc”, I found his replies to be sincere but however not sure if that is because he was just being polite in rejection because he did not exactly replied to my question about when he was free to hang out again. The female hormonal side of me also thinks that something is wrong since he doesn’t text his goodnights to me anymore haha!
    I would really appreciate any form of insights from fellow readers. Thank you!

  29. Kristina says:

    I have a German Boyfriend and I am a Filipina. I.met him through dating site. At first I was hesitant since he was so cold and boring but he is such an honest guy. Until we finally decided to meet each other. And I was so surprised he is sooo sweet and loving. Oh! I couldn’t ask for more.. For 21 days that we were together we spent most of the time in our room than strolling around but both of us love beach and diving. Now, he is back to Germany and looking forward to be with him again on April. I miss him badly..

  30. Sharon says:

    I writing to get some advice about a German man I met online.We have been chatting going on three months.The picture he had on his profile showed that he was an handsome 49 year old.Im a retired 53 year old woman from the United States.He says he currently lives in the states as well but it’s a day and 9 hour trip between so neither of us has made the trip to see one another nor have we video chatted yet. I ve had one other long distance relationship when I was 17 and it was with a boy in the navy.We wrote for two years sometimes 3 times a week, but this is the hardest long distance relationship because for one,i haven’t dated,kissed or been intimate with a man in 14 years.The reasons are I was having some health issues,two I started raising two of my grandchildren and three,i just felt like I needed to find out what i needed in a man and it wasn’t abuse so I took time to heal my mind spiritually and my heart emotionally.
    I will call my German man,Andy to protect his privacy.We broke up a day before New Years Eve,bad timing right?..What a way to start off the New Year!!!..it wasn’t planned but I notice he was acting distant because his brother was down he said,but he had promish to call me Christmas but he didn’t because of his brother and I was now thinking he wasn’t going to keep his word for New Years either.
    He did ask me if he sent me a plane ticket ,would I fly to his state and spend the new year with him.I told him I couldn’t for the this main reason,I haven’t actually seen him face to face..a picture is not proof if someone is real or not and I had already been hurt twice before him by scammers,so needless to say I have trust issues,but apparently he does too or he would do a phone chat or video chat.
    Let me back up to the time period before we broke up,our attraction to each other quickly turned into friendship and before a month was up,he had already told me he had feelings for me and the feeling was mutual..we chatted everyday..so I fell in love with his personality as he did with mine,we had a couple of issues that we ironed out,but nothing uncommon for two people from two different cultures as well as any normal relationship that just started out..I’m sure we will have other issues if we stay together because there are no perfect relationships nor perfect people.We shared alot of personal aspects of our life during these two months,except where he worked but he told me how much he made and how many children we each had,etc..but I noticed each time while trying to get information from him about his family or job,it was like pulling nails,he would answer some questions and be evasive on others.He rarely ask me anything too personal but when he did,i promptly answered him.
    One thing I did notice was he is very laid back,easy going,had a sense of humor,and well mannered.
    Where I am the more curious one,i want to know everything and I tend to want my way more but I didn’t feel asking for a video chat was a big issue,a and my family wasn’t giving hell over him,sayibg he’s fake!..He’s fake!..I didn’t feel that in my heart,yes I realize he was refusing a video chat but he said the phone he was using was a business phone,and until he bought another phone,i just needed to go with the flow.I thought I had raised my children not to judge others but apparently they either think they looking out for my best interest or I have put them first and foremost in my life so long,they don’t want to share me but I’m a grown woman with common sense and desires and dreams.
    Getting back to Andre,after we broke up over my family wanting to see proof,i told him I wouldn’t bother him again because in reality,what they were asking for wasn’t unreasonable..afterall his income should allow him to buy a economy easy smartphone so why was he taking so long??.anyways,i cried for two days straight and on new year’s day,i sent him a text wishing him the best for 2017 and he the same to me.I waited the whole day,woke up the next day..silence…not another word from him..I finally just said I was going to be just as stubborn as he is..and just prayed about it.
    Finally out of nowhere he texts me,

  31. Sharon says:

    I wanted to add,i love Andre and he loves me.I don’t want to lose him because of cultural differences.I adore his boyish charm and sensuality .He wants me to just go with the flow,nit rush things so I don’t want to come across dominant or controlling..because I’m not.
    I want to be submissive to him,but i also want a partnership with him..even marriage and we talk about that as well.

    • Elsa says:

      Very interesting story, I wish the best for you two.
      I would suggest that you go for a trip to the state where he leaves ( or nearby ) to relax and have a time for yourself, then when you feel comfortable enough you meet him.
      Or if you don’t trust him enough you wait until he buys a phone or he comes to see you.
      Good luck.

  32. VICKI says:

    I JUST MET A GERMAN GUY ON FB. HE BEFRIENDED ME OUT OF NO WHERE. AS SOON AS I ACCEPTED HIS REQUEST HE BEGAN TO MESSAGE ME. HE IS VERY NICE A VERY GOOD LOOKING. BUT WITHIN A FEW MESSAGES AND WITHIN 24 HOURS TIME HE WAS TELLING ME HE LOVED ME, HE LOVED ME, HE WAS IN CATASTROPHICALLY IN LOVE WITH ME!!! I ASKED HIM HOW THAT COULD BE SO AS HE HAD NEVER MET ME OR EVEN SPOKE TO ME AND ONLY FRIENDED ME 24 HOURS AGO!! HE SAID HE KNEW BY TALKING TO ME AND IM SURE BY MY PAGE ALSO THAT I WAS “THE ONE” FOR HIM. I STILL PERSUED TO TELL HIM THAT I THOUGHT HE LOVED THE PERSON I SAW ME TO BE BUT NO WAY COULD HE LOVE ME. HE CALLED THRU FB MESSENGER BUT ONLY SPOKE FOR A BRIEF MOMENT. THE NEXT DAY I WOKE UP TO MORE MESSGAES OF HOW ALL HE THINKS ABOUT IS ME AND HOW MUCH HE LOVES ME!! IS THIS A FAKE PROFILE? ARE COULD HE BE TRUE? HE SOUNDS LIKE MY DREAM HUSBAND BUT IDK ABOUT THIS CRAZY LOVE SO FAST. ANY INPUT WOULD HELP!! THANKS

  33. Nettie Lovejoy says:

    I just want to say that was a whole lot of reading in one sitting..
    Thankyou all for sharing so much…it has definitely taught me a lot..in how to understand the german man..
    Nettie

  34. Abby says:

    I’m so glad I found this site. Well, I’m an Asian girl who knew a Germany man from online app. He gave me his number and we already chat on whatsapp for one month. He said that he likes me and he said he wants to show my photo to his mom soon, he also said that I’m cute and sweet and he admires me. But the problem is he never texted me first, it’s like I’m the one who always start to text him. I’m so confused, if I keep texting first, am I annoying him or bothering him? Is he shy or something? I just wonder if he really in to me or not. I don’t want put my expectations too high. We are in a really big gap of time difference. It’s 6 hours and we never meet each other yet.

  35. Pru says:

    I’ve been chatting to a German guy I met online about two weeks ago. We had drinks, later that week I spent the night. It was cool, he seems sweet. He’s in South Africa for work and will be leaving in two months. The problem is, I want to see him more often and for the last few I’ve been feeling a bit sad, he knows that but there’s nothing we can do about it. He’s making a film. He has no free time. I like him so much. He’s a lot older than I am (A 26 year age gap) but we get along so well. Interacting via text just isn’t the same, I’ve become insecure that he’s losing interest in me or that he might have a wife or girlfriend back home. I’ve spoken to him about that, he said he’s single but yeah… I’m pretty bummed out. I haven’t met someone I like this much in years and even though he won’t be around much longer, I hoped we could spend the next two months together.

  36. Jaylee says:

    They are too complicated & they always think they are right & want things done their way.
    It’s energy draining & stressful to be involved with a German.

  37. Prudence says:

    I am an American woman and I have met a German man on a date site, we have been texting on and off throughout everyday. He said he wants to spend all of his life with me through all eternity. I too have very deep feelings for him. He asked me to get a bank account in my name so he could fund it so I could buy things and could pay things he needed done here in America until he got back here. He has spoken of us getting a home together and being married. I want to trust him fully but am a little sceptical as to what to think, can somebody please give me some insight as to what is happening.

    • IGetYouBae says:

      Prudence, from an outsider, that doesn’t sounds like a good idea at all. Have you met the guy? Are you in a physical relationship, or just digital? I believe bank accounts should be nowhere in the conversation until you are at least in a committed relationship where you feel comfortable. The fact that you are posting here means you have suspicions, and that should be a sign. Just be honest, you need time to know a stranger before you are opening bank accounts for each other!

  38. Belle says:

    No one can understand German typically . I’m dating German for 4 years and I really don’t know who he is. Hence, he did proposed me after years and half dating, well that was bloody long years of engagement!
    Indeed he was a good man and never cheat me. But I feel so miserable because he don’t talk much , he is vegan and practice meditation, count everything he spending. Being an Asian is totally different world for me , I’m fun and he not. Maybe German woman so strong so they don’t get use of with Asian which so feminin and gentle.
    He criticised my interest, even I tried to make my self look good for him he told me no one want to see it. Christ ! That was slam straight on my face. I even need to tell him please pull the chair for me or door . This is simple thing to do to show how gentleman you are. So many arguement. Even he is kinda forcing me to learn the German language in a years, when he know this is not easy for me.Seriously now.
    He even ask me to go to work when I’m staying in Germany. Wow I am so impressed how German treat a woman .like I was a Maschine to him not human being. Of course I will go and help to build the financial but don’t have to tell me straight forward. Even my local man will never do this.
    He is second German I’m dating and both of them is the same . So cold and insensitive.
    I do get my self stressed a lot and after a long years I just couldn’t take it anymore and I’m leaving for good. I try my best to give and take but at the end I realise how not happy I am , it’s better to off alone than making a big mistake.

  39. Kananelo says:

    what an article 🙂 started “dating” (i would like to assume an amazing German man who I’ve been trying really hard to understand. This really came in handy!

  40. IGetYouBae says:

    Just want to say it’s been both enlightening, funny, and strangely comforting reading thru this entire post and comments. I am chatting with a guy, but I’m gonna try to reign in the hormones. A lot of the times I think it’s not just a German thing, rather a man thing. Don’t jump in so fast..take your time! Give a little, but don’t let your suspicions trip you up. If you are googling too much, something’s not right and that’s ok. In the end hold on to the fact that yes, it might not go the way we want, we will all move on. Also, try not to fall in love before meeting the guy…remind yourself he’s a stranger!

  41. Chizzy says:

    Hey. Help me understand this guy please! I met my German friend online, Facebook to be precise and that was 3 months ago. Since then we’ve been chatting on whatsapp, he has never tried calling me although he has suggested twice that we Skype but it never works out. Once we didn’t chat for almost a week! I missed him terribly and hoped he’d chat me up but he didn’t, I later did and complained, he apologised and said it was work and promised not to ignore me in that manner again and he hasn’t failed. He’s asking me to come and visit him in Germany, I agreed though but at first, I told him I’ll just like to get to know him better before visiting. By the way, I’m Nigerian and I stay in Nigeria too but i speak German because that was my course of study in the university. Just yesterday, he said he’d like me to get to know his friends, does this mean anything? Although I’m totally fine with it. All I want to know now is, what plans do you think he has? He tells me I’m beautiful and stuff, he’s cool, cracks jokes sometimes, I like him although he’s way older! I feel he’s not giving me much attention, I’m sorry but Nigerian girls love attention a lot. I have never dated outside my tribe not to talk of outside my race, so I really don’t know how to go about this, and I don’t know if he has ever been in a relationship with a black either. I just want to understand him, that’s what brought me here, do you think we’ll get to understand eachother? If he were Nigerian, of course I’ll know how to go about it but he’s German and this is totally new to me!

  42. Schokolade says:

    I’m very intrigued by everyone’s experiences with Ger-Men as well as this article. I’m a black South African who just moved back home after a decade of my life in Florida, USA.

    I met my Ger-man on Tinder 3weeks a go and he immediately pointed out that he is just curious and doesn’t think he would meet a life long partner online because it’s full of fakes. On day two of Tinder chat we exchanged numbers and graduated to whatsapp. Within that first week we video called. We have been exchanging text, pics, vids, and voice notes EVERY SINGLE DAY through out the day and video or voice call EVERY SINGLE NIGHT in our individual beds (pretending to be next to each other) for 45 min to an hour, with the exception of 15 min on Easter Suturday night because all his family was there. He is a sweetheart and tells me daily how good and fantastic I am, how my eyes and my smile warm his heart. He doesn’t speak very good English so we rely on Google translate. He told me that I have a special place in his heart and that he loves his coffee like he loves me; black, hot and sweet. Then he went on saying “I love it, the coffee and the woman” I suggested I would like to visit “Ger-man-y” in the summer and he said the summer is too far, he’d prefer much sooner! (why HE never brought it up? Beats me) Unfortunately that wouldn’t work for me so he is now, as we speak shopping around for flights and accommodation while waiting for his passport to be issued. He has only ever flown once in his life to Rome where he didn’t require a passport. He’s willing to fly half way across the world to South Africa just for the weekend because he cannot wait for the summer vacation to see me because “we need to know each other personally” he says. We exchange LOTS of hugs, cuddles and kisses every chancewe get but never has he brought up or even hinted sex. I eagerly anticipate our meeting! Ok German experts, please help. Do I got myself a man or what? 😀

  43. Schokolade says:

    In addition: This is someone who grew up in and never left Thuringia (East-Central Germany) He grew up surrounded by the Soviet Union and they were denied travel until the early 90’s. He has never been with let alone met a black person so could I be just a fetish? Black girl with exotic features? I really don’t know because there are quiet a lot of interracial marriages (German and African) here in South Africa and Lesotho. But i haven’t a clue which part of Germany they come from nor am I much educated on the differences other than this article.

  44. Happy jackson says:

    Hi everyone.

    Wow, sandy you have made me read something that’s similar to me and feel like maybe all German men are same. I met my German man online dating and after two weeks talking we decided to meet. At first I was afraid to meet him because I always have fear of rejection. But in the end I thought we should meet, he was very caring and looked at me in a way no man has ever looked at me. I am African and he is white and he didn’t care all that. After the date he wanted us to meet again and again and later invited me to his place and was such a gentleman to not force anything. We made love and he invited me to go on a trip with him for four days because it was public holidays, we went away together and all the way he carried my bags and his and still did everything for me. He asked me to order first, he opened doors for me, he taught me to use a fork and a nife at the table( because it’s not in my tradition to do so) he didn’t judge me when I did something wrong that I didn’t know but yet he taught me how to do it right. I would definitely love to spend the rest of my life with sven because he sees me for who I am and I am in love with him that I want to spend the rest of mylife with him.

  45. Asian shy cat says:

    I’m Asian and I met a German guy on the Internet. We’re both student. At the first time we meet, just walk around, when I said I want to loose weight, he lifted me up and said that I dont need to loose any weight. I was very shy because of that. When we say goodbye to go home, he gave me a hug but I was a little bit afraid because in my culture, people don’t do that. He said that he will respect that, I don’t need to hug him. Second time he invited me to his flat but I refuse, again, I dont feel safe to go to men’s place after first time we meet. Then he ask me he wonder, Asian dont kiss and dont hug, how can they be couple and ask me how many time we need to meet before I can come to his flat for watching film together. I said only watching film is ok. Then I came and we only talk and watch a film, ate some cake. Yesterday, he invited me to his place, he make some cake and offer me to try. I came and I also cook Asian food for him. He likes the food and we enjoy the time, telling some jokes and walk around.
    I can say I like him but his actions cause me confusion. He didn’t send me any message after I go home. He rarely texts me in weekdays, only at weekend. And I never know if he will text me this weekend or not. I like him but I don’t know how to develop the relation and don’t know if he likes me or not. 🙁

  46. Rocio says:

    Wow. This was really helpful for me. I am a latina and for me it is even harder with the german I am dating. We met about a year ago in a trip to an island in the caribbean. We were next to each other in the hammocks for about 5 to 6 hours before we start talking. I wasn’t expecting to met someone at all. We spend together the 3 days I went to this island and then we agree to meet again in Cancun before each of us depart to our countries. I have visited him for two weeks then he came to my country for 3 weeks. But yeah, he is sweet in actions but no words. We get along realm well. His family knows about me but I hadn’t met them yet. I am invited for Christmas and for me it is so weird because in Latin America those serious things. I mean my family barely knows about him, he met my mom as a friend. So for me it is hard to understand his intentions or feelings. And once I even thought he didn’t like me at all because he is not as sweet as I think he should. But know that I read this… He might be sweet in his own way. I am very straight forward and told him that I know he doesn’t like me and he corrected me saying he does. He talks with his friends about me in front of me, like video chat to introduce me to people that don’t even speak good English. I even talk with his older sister once through his WhatsApp, she wrote me a we talk for 10 minutes maybe. But signs are still very confusing. Sometimes I think I should quit. Mostly because I feel insecure he might not feel anything serious for me. He said jokingly I love you in front of his friends (but really joking… Like I asked if he was going to buy the new iPhone and he said ‘are you gonna buy me the new iphone? Oh thank you, I love you” I don’t really pay attention to that but everything is confusing with him because of the different cultures. Once he said hug me in German (I guess he thought he said it in English because I don’t understand German) I didn’t do it because I didn’t understand but he pulled my hands around him. We used to kiss more and passionate but that always ended up in more. For some reason now he only shared little kisses the last time (like when you say hi to a boyfriend) because if we kiss to passionate it all ends too passionate. But he did this. I don’t understand. I have decided to take things slow. We video chat at least twice a week because the difference of our schedules and he works a lot. Ah! And he used to had dating sites in his phone (not now because the phone was stolen) but he never deleted them. He told me he doesn’t use them anymore because of me but he didn’t delete them (I didn’t ask of course). His german friends (the cupid ones) told me he never talks about girls (he is 33) but they think he might like me seriously because he talks about me. He paid for a lot when I went to his country. In my country we paid 50%-50% with some dinners that he invited. All this time he might have holder my hand 3 times and I have got a bit passive aggressive a couple times because they is no more sweetness but then he carried my backpack when I was tired while trekking, do what I want (we went to see the beauty and the best haha). I do what he wants too… I guess that is why we don’t fight at all but I can’t tell about his feelings or he is just hanging out and that’s all. He doesn’t share feelings, worries, so I don’t know how to help. He doesn’t like his actual job but that is all he says. So I try to ask if he talk with his boss about the position he want or ask him what he wants, so I can help him somehow. I guess only the future will tell but thanks for the article…

  47. Wow,nice one.
    I have a boyfriend from Germany but am in Nigeria
    It been cool tho ,just wanted to know more about German guys,thanks.nice article .

  48. Rachel says:

    Thank you for the insights. Very useful indeed. My german man is 24 years younger than me. We met through a mutual friend when I was on vacation to a Caribbean island. He is good looking and smart. We are both doctors. He per sued me for three days before I could no longer resist him. We had a great time together. For the following 9 days we were glued together. We made love every night except for one night when he had to prepare for an important phone call. Initially we were restrained in public but after 3 days we were carefree hugging and kissing in public and everywhere. He referred to his bedroom as “our bedroom” . Initially I treated the encounter as an affair but on my Last day I had tears in my eyes, I knew I loved him. Apparently, he cried too and felt sad to see me go. We agreed to stay in touch and meet again. The problem..he is very reserved…little or no verbal or written communication. Immediately after I left, he wrote beautiful short notes,expressing his love, adoration and how badly he missed me. He was planing to surprise me with a visit but didn’t come. He still writes almost every day and sends kisses and love and is telling me he is missing me. Today, at last after repeated requests and two months of separation, we spoke on the phone. Our conversation lasted 45 minutes, remarkable for someone who does not like phones. He expressed a deep interest in me my daily life and religion. He was interested in the color of the dress I will wear to my son’s wedding etc…the quality of time spent in a medical conference…
    I asked him to come in the summer for a visit…he said he will try…I asked him to plan to be here….he argued I should not pressure him. I noticed he does not like to be told….I feel he is in love with me but is fearful of something. He wants us to be together but is not sure how to go about it. He displays many of the attributes of german men described above but seems to try hard to win me. When I suggested cooling off my love for him he begged me not to….”we must take as it is ” his comment was . I love him more and more everyday but find long distance relationship to be very painful and more so when communication is very minimal. I am respectful of his dislike of social media and phones and keep communication to a minimum. Today he suggested i could come to Germany if I wish too. I am Confused…not sure what to feel or think about our relationship. One more thing there is another woman whom he dated for 7 years, another long distance situation. It the relationship died 2 years ago but he is slowly realizing or not ready to admit it.

  49. jnawt says:

    A little over a week ago there was a big car race in my US city and I was attending it for the first time with a friend of mine who has gone many times. The Friday before the race on Sunday there is a fan fest, and I met my friend there. So, we ended up on a rooftop bar to watch a performance below. Right before leaving, I see this guy in front of me kind of yelling something to another guy. I kind of hear an accent, so I asked him if he was English, it was like I just naturally and automatically did this! He told me he’s German! So, he and I start talking, and actually my friend and this German’s group of friends he was traveling with by van around the W USA. They had just gotten into town first time, THAT day for this race. After talking we discussed all meeting up at the race so he and I exchanged numbers. The next day he’s texting me asking to see me and telling me all these compliments, basically that he thought I was really sweet and beautiful and that he wants to see me! I said OK. He was telling me, he wasn’t going to be there long so he’d like to just be very direct with me. So, that evening we went for 1 beer talked, took a walk, and def enjoyed kissing! He was telling me that I was very special and different for him and loved that we both like cars.. It was just a very strong attraction between us. It was surreal! So after our meeting he is texting me saying I am sweet etc. So, he was asking if we can meet at the same parking area for the race there are like 10 different areas. Here’s the weird part: In line for the race at 1 am. Thousands of people go to this race! they are diverting some cars to a huge parking area to wait. There’s no service for cell phones. I’m in the truck with about 50+ and counting other cars in this big parking lot and after about 10 mins of waiting I see 2 guys walking past and guess who it is!? HIM!! I couldn’t believe it! I was like so excited saying hello to him and smiling! The strange thing is, he did not even remotely act happy to see me. He didn’t even smile at me, just blank. The whole time he seemed cold! So, the cars finally start going after about 1 hour, and I tell him, I think we are parking at this other area, and they should come there. As he’s leaving he says that he has to speak with the others…which I understand. So, we went to our chosen spot (you cannot leave where you park until about 6 pm the next evening.) I never saw him and I knew they decided on the other spot. Next day we are heading back down the mountain, and as soon as I get service I see texts from him saying I should have come up to their area, and how he was actually walking around looking for me when I saw him the night before! and thought I’d be with a group of people (vs my male friend), and how he wanted to kiss me when he saw me but wasn’t sure and wished he would have etc. Ya know, if he would have seemed happy to see me, I would have pushed my friend to go park in their area and spent the day at the race with him. So he goes on about how he really wants to see me before he leaves the next day. I wanted to see him too! We were both so exhausted but still met up for one last time. He was extremely sweet and honestly gentlemanly! It was a Sunday night, and we got a coffee and went for a walk, and talked, and kissed. He left the next day and texted me everyday he was still in the USA. Now he’s in Germany, and we are still in touch, but I’m not sure how he feels, and I really want to know. He’s been in touch with my most every day. I just really wanna see him again, and keep in touch…but more than anything I want to know how he feels. I mean we never directly made an agreement about keeping in touch, but just have… He did tell me that I was very special and he loved how I am in pretty much all mannerisms. I feel the same. It truly happened when I least expected it! I still can’t believe it. What should I do? Just directly ask him? That weekend actually changed my life! I want to tell him but I’m just scared! Any input or advice would be very helpful!

  50. Jane says:

    Hi!

    It’s funny and amazing how the majority of the points in this article matches my German. He is direct, intelligent, well-traveled, and funny. Also, sex is freaking amazing!!! (This is coming from a girl who has had an experience with a confident and proud Italian.)

    I have been spending time with him for over a year now and we never had the talk. I was not looking for something serious when I met him and I usually put my emotional walls up high, but there is no doubt I am attracted to him. Frankly, I initially considered him as my “fuck buddy” as I just got out of a relationship when I met him. Early this year he told me I’m so special while we were hugging and drinking wine and instead of letting him lead the conversation to something romantic I foolishly said, “special.. child?” and he just kissed my hand after that and we moved on to a different topic. He is really sweet and a true gentleman. We always split the bill though, only because I told him when we met that I am uncomfortable when other people pay for my bill. And we don’t text every day, I am not a texty person and so is he.

    I am an Asian in my early 20s while he is in his late 20s, we are both expats and busy with our careers. He travels a lot when he has projects abroad, but we make sure we see each other once a week regardless if his projects are within the country or abroad. We are both vocal that we don’t like being apart from each other for more than a month.

    Now, I feel like I am starting to REALLY like him (I know, it took me a while) but the problem is I dismissed his one and only attempt to talk about “us” because I wasn’t feeling strongly about us at the time. And even if I really like him I am also trying to weigh our future plans considering that we are both expats – we both want to be somewhere else in 3 years and honestly, I think we both place a higher priority on our careers. I am a difficult person. 😐

  51. Anna says:

    I recently met a man from Germany on omegle ( out of all the places) he caught my eye with his blue eyes and blonde hair. Keep in mind I usually date tall, dark and handsome. This guy was quite the opposite ( not dating yet ). We have kept in touch for about a month or so as he has a very busy schedule being a graduate student studying artitechure and working part time. First time talking we I was the only with a mic and him on video. He was very well versed in English and kept commenting on how American my accent was ( Latina but raised in the U.S). His way he conducts himself is sweet but yet reserved. He’s a realist in the Abe’s of us being so far apart. He didn’t expect us to meet any time soon but has hope for it. It’s funny to say after reading several stories here, my German is pretty laid back and direct in what he says. Sarcasm isn’t his best trait but at least he had dealt with my over-the-top American sarcasm. Seems crazy to think after time after time talking something is still gravitating me towards him. It actually really stinks knowing we are 9 hrs apart, so making time to talk is rough. He absolutely has noted he has an interest in our connection and says “we’ll see” everytime I mention meeting. He has said after he completes his masters and finds a job that there might be a possibility of him wanting to visit or into come. Well this has been it to this point. He for sure loves soccer ( Fútbol) I still say soccer. German men are exactly like milk chocolate very sweet, warm, and bold. Crazy stuff I say.
    Best,

    American Girl falling for an Amazing German (yikes).

  52. Anna says:

    I recently met a man from Germany on omegle ( out of all the places) he caught my eye with his blue eyes and blonde hair. Keep in mind I usually date tall, dark and handsome. This guy was quite the opposite ( not dating yet ). We have kept in touch for about a month or so as he has a very busy schedule being a graduate student studying artitechure and working part time. First time talking we I was the only with a mic and him on video. He was very well versed in English and kept commenting on how American my accent was ( Latina but raised in the U.S). His way he conducts himself is sweet but yet reserved. He’s a realist in the fact of us being so far apart. He doesn’t expect us to meet any time soon but has hope for it. It’s funny to say after reading several stories here, my German is pretty laid back and direct in what he says. Sarcasm isn’t his best trait but at least he had dealt with my over-the-top American sarcasm. Seems crazy to think after time after time talking something is still gravitating me towards him. It actually really stinks knowing we are 9 hrs apart, so making time to talk is rough. He absolutely has noted he has an interest in our connection and says “we’ll see” everytime I mention meeting. He has said after he completes his masters and finds a job that there might be a possibility of him wanting to visit or into come. Well this has been it to this point. He for sure loves soccer ( Fútbol) I still say soccer. German men are exactly like milk chocolate very sweet, warm, and bold. Crazy stuff I say.
    Best,

    American Girl falling for an Amazing German (yikes).

  53. Curious says:

    I met this German man on a dating app. He said he deleted the app because he thinks he has it right this time.
    He flew back to Germany from the US where he has been living.
    But he asked if he could transfer money to my account because he cannot get a bank account here, he needs a ITIN. I was okay with it until he asked for my account and routing number. There is no money in the account to take but I am worried it’s a scam. Is this normal?

  54. Reen Gal says:

    Do all germans work alot? I met this guy online and he is always very busy working. Initially, we would chatted on skype for the 1st 2 weeks. A few days ago he went quiet. I really dont understand this. The last time we chatted, he greeted me, wished me a blessed day and promised to chat later. This has not happened. Can see he was online but has not left a word. Just wondering is he for real. I had started developing feelings for him and he had even said he would be visiting in October. I am now confused. Is this how they communicate,? He said he liked me and that I was prettie. I am from africa.

  55. Germans.Men.Are.Amazing says:

    I love this. I seem to only date German men….or German mixed with something…as soon as I hear a man is German, I’m hooked.

    I met my current German a couple months ago after a festival. The festival had already ended and we ended up at the same beach decomp, I knew the people he was staying with and at first, I didn’t think anything of it. When we left the beach in the early hours of the morning, I don’t know why but we didn’t seem to exchange numbers and we went ours separate ways. The next day I woke up with a bit of regret as I had really wanted to see him again. To my surprise, later on that day I received a phone call, which I ignored and then a message came through on my phone, it was him…he wanted to see me…I knew he only had a few days left in Barcelona and then was going back home to Germany and I knew I had to see him again. He ended up coming to stay at my house, for what was supposed to only be two nights….it turned into one full-on, wild and intensely, crazy week. He had to leave after that week and to be honest, I thought it was just going to kind of fizzle out and he would just become a crazy, summer fling. Amazingly enough he would message me and we would have these brief conversations here and there, but no matter what, I really just couldn’t get him out of my head. After about a week of talking he said we should try phone calls cause he really missed hearing my voice….so here and there he would phone me and we would talk for about an hour or more…he would always ask me to come and see him, once in awhile say he missed things about Spain, about my house, but never actually tell me he missed me. One day he got sick of phone calls and ended up video calling me…from then on, each video call would end up being about 6 hours and always at night time as we were both fairly busy during the days. But we would talk about everything, laugh, make jokes, and usually by the end of it, we would both fall asleep on the video chat and one of us would just hang up. He was always really sweet with me, but never really would come out and say if he thought I looked nice or that he missed me or anything really like that.
    We had tried to plan one trip together, as he was to go sailing with friends but as he asked me only a couple days before, I wasn’t able to go. However I had plans to fly to the UK and last minute ended up inviting him, which he agreed to. So anyways, he went on his sailing trip, which meant we didn’t speak for 10 days. I’m ok with that as I’m not really the best one to keep up contact and I actually hate being on the phone. The morning he was back he video phoned me right away and the first thing he said to me was, ” Wow…you look really beautiful.” I was stunned…I had NEVER heard anything like that from his mouth..I mean I had noticed that the last few times we spoken on video calls, he would look at me a bit differently, and he would smile at me a lot more, the look in his eyes was a lot more loving than in the beginning, but he had never said something like that to me. That phone call was pretty cool…we were both fairly tired but the second thing he said to me was “I think I missed you on that sailing trip…I wished you had been there with me.” I had also never heard him say anything about missing me!
    We spoke back and forth and throughout the conversation he would tell me he gets to see me soon, he told me at one point he wanted to make love to me and then stopped to see my reaction…we both kind of started laughing and he turned bright red…I couldn’t have been happier. I have always been crazy attracted to him and we have this insane chemistry but hearing him actually say things like this to me…makes me even more crazier about him. At the end of the conversation we were both so tired and had already had about 19 connections problems, switched from whatsapp to Skype and back to whatsapp about 7 times and been on the phone for 4 hours…we decided to hang up. As he went to hang up, he started saying “LOVE!”….and then I think he realised what had just popped out of his mouth and he kind of stopped himself and just continued to say “LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE!!” I said it right back to him but with quite a smile on my face.

    I know it’s only been a very short amount of time that I have known this guy, and most of what we have is on the phone, video calls, and probably a bit in our imagination….but whatever it is or whatever it grows to be..I’m quite excited. I only have 1 week left till I see him again and I can’t wait. We have already planned that after the UK, I’ll fly to Germany in October and he’ll come to Spain in November…We both have our birthdays in January and he has already said he wants us to celebrate together….

  56. Asian_Flower says:

    Wow. I am enjoying my coke and toast while reading the comment section and I’m amazed by lots of experience you guys have with german men. From what I can tell it pretty much accurate with mine.

    I met my german man 6 months ago through dating site, he is really really nice person. FYI, I’m asian and I’m 8,5 years younger than him. With such a huge age gap at the beginning I thought he might only play around and thinks I’m just a little kid who has no clue about the real love life is like. But as time goes by, I’m really amazed by how good he is, as a boyfriend. He never judged me, even when I do things wrong, and since I’m an INFP type of person, I also don’t like judging quickly, he doesn’t like arguments/fighting and neither do I and both of us love harmony. We have been creating such a harmonic situation between us. At the first month we talked he called me on whatsapp every single night, we talked on video chat for hours and laughed a lot, nonstop. We decided to meet a month after talking for 17 days and those days were best. Only laughters, no arguments or stuff even when we got bad days.

    FYI, “the difference here is he asked me to be his girlfriend straightforward even before we met”, and I was shocked by that honestly, and I told him I’ll answer when we met each other. Because I wasn’t really sure, but after meeting, I gave it a shot and said yes. So here we are now, still together, and going stronger.
    He “CANNOT” flirt. Haha, he tried several times after I told him how my american ex used so many sweet words that made me feel like I was laying on queenly couch waiting for my guards to feed me while I was only laying on my bed. Lol turned out he failed, It all sounded dry haha but it’s fine. I understand it.

    He’s very amazing. He sometimes can mind-read me and knows when I’m not really feeling okay, although he found difficulty reading me since I’m reserved person and I tend to keep problems and sadness inside of me. but after time, he finally able, little bit. Lol

    He quickly evaluate the wrong things he did and so far I can tell, he doesn’t want me to get sad, he tries everything so I’ll always be happy, and feel loved.
    He shares everything to me, from cooking, grooming, work, all his insecurities, he paid for everything, he even told me that I’m not just a girlfriend but also a friend of him. He talks a lot about future with me, and imagine if I were there too living with him.

    We finally found a little problem since he got a huge wish for me to relocate there- which in my opinion is way too soon for a 6 months relationship, but he finally told me very very clear that he wants a future and is not in this relationship to just play around. I was so shocked. I told him let’s see if we’re working out and he said of course I won’t push you I can wait till you’re ready enough to settle down. Amazing for me after just a 6 months lol.

    He’s very hard working. He even told me “I think i might need second job when you are here since you took hours for shower and we might be paying a lot for bills” Haha I can’t stop laughing, of course I also wanna help financial situation by working also, but he is very spoiling me. He is a pharmacist btw and is earning good money.

    He can be sweet sometimes also, but still haha he has no ability to be as sweet as “american guy” at least like my american ex. But of course i cannot expect same things from 2 different persons and different nationality. But all I can say is my boyfriend is amazing. He’s amazing. He doesn’t cheat at all and keeps sending pictures and video from all his activities. Working starts from 7-5pm and spend the rest of the day talking to me, even if he goes out for groceries, he sends me pics and still continue sending pics while he’s cooking. Haaha. We really share worlds together.

    And of course, he told me how much he loves me, and I’ve developed feeling, yes. i feel like I found a type of guy that I want, minus the sweet words lol.
    Wish me luck!

  57. Nicole says:

    Hi,
    Thanks so much for the article, it’s been very informative. I find the German men very attractive, not only that they are ridiculously gorgeous but also their Mr. Darcy-request personalities. My only issue now is that I am unsure e how many o go about meeting these gentlemen as both friends and hopefullymore. I’m recently moved to Germany and am not sure how to make friends or find a romantic partner. I’m not good at making online penpals and am not so sure about online dating. Can anyone give me some tips?

    Nicole

  58. Nicole says:

    My first post has some mistakes, damn predictive texting. I meant Mr. Darcy-esque personalities and being unsure how to go about meeting people.

    Nicole

  59. Ria says:

    Hello! Currently dating a German man. He’s tall, handsome and is very much a dead ringer for what the article says. We live a hour away from one another and we only been out a handful of times when he voiced wanting to spend more time with me. So we planned a weekend of him staying over. He didn’t ask about sleeping arrangements but chose on his own to put himself on my couch. We handnt been intimate yet and he wanted to be a gentleman. He listens well and will always give me a honest answer, even if it hurts. But his smile is always kind and gentle when he says it. He has a strong sense of being responsible (and me being a hippie), he watches out for me financially(In other words he’s considering our future). His actions speak louder than words. He is attracted to my free spirit because he’s all schedules and date planners and I just say “yea cool let’s do it”. He finds it charming. But I know sometimes it’s a hard pill for him to swallow when I handle my responsibility in the same fashion He balances me out. I’m the fun and he’s the planner. My adorable planner is planning a vacation for the summer. He wants me to go along. He’s asked my interest and has been reviewing the vacation plans repeatedly. He’s great!
    *** Recently he’s been trying to be more affectionate towards me. He gets really red in the face and tends to look away when he calls me honey or love (especially when he calls me love). I don’t call him out on it. I let it roll like he’s calling my name. I think he appreciates me not squealing about the change. He’s explained before how German people are.
    Even though he doesn’t always voice things it eo sent matter because the way he holds me, smiles , or always calls me after work to make sure i got home okay is sweet. He now drives a hour ever friday evening to stay with me the weekend. He never expects me to travel, even though I’ve offered to switch it up. He rather come to me. He doesn’t like the idea of me alone on the road.
    I am so in love with him. I know he sees a future for us. He’s a really sweet guy. I don’t even question if his loyal to me at all. The man is like clock work. He calls the same time everyday. Text me no matter the time and comes to me every weekend. That’s his only free time too.
    Ladies German men might seem cold but they’re reliable guys and considerate!

  60. Isabella says:

    M so nervous I have date today with german guy he born in Italy but then he grows in Germany as german guy i have experience with American guys but not german he seems really nice and caring his very kind and loving but we just talk through texting m going to meet him today m really nervous and I do like him a lot already his older than me m 22 his 35 so age difference making me more nervous but i hope its going to turn out well

  61. I agree with a lot of what you have written. I’ve been with “Heinz” for over five years. He is VERY direct and prides himself on saying what he thinks, even if it hurts me. The first shocking incident was when he told me in our first few months together that I looked like a sausage stuffed into my clothing. And believe me, he is not svelte himself. This to me was the worst thing he could ever say, but since then, I’ve heard others use the same expression.

    German men can seem very cold and business-minded, putting work first, when my priorities are living well first, then work. Sometimes I wonder if I should look for someone from a warmer country, someone more easy-going and fun-loving, like me. My German is sometimes very opinionated regarding my money, my behavior, my choices, etc. It is at the point where I wonder if he should find someone else whom he better approves of. When I say this, it doesn’t make sense to him. He is just helping out, and like he says, “being honest.” I also think he gets so much of this from losing his father at the age of 9 and having to become the man of the house at that early age. He also had a terrible first marriage with a wife who cheated on him and squandered tens of thousands, and he is very conservative when it comes to saving money.

    Though I question our relationship regularly, I can say that the best thing about Heinz is that he is VERY loyal. He may joke about finding other women, but that to him is “ein Witz” and I should know better than to take him seriously, even if I am positive he says such things in earnest. It’s hard to tell when he’s joking, and a lot of time I don’t think what he says is funny at all, and I tell him, of course, because I DO say how I feel. Nevertheless, I don’t think he would ever cheat on me. He calls me every day and keeps in touch, even if all we talk about is what we’re having for dinner.

    Finally, there is all that he does for me. The first comment above speaks about action. Karlheinz hardly ever says he loves me, but most recently instigated my move over two weekends and the installation of a kitchen in my new apartment without batting an eye. He brings over tools and fixes something or works on the technology in my home without being asked, making everything work better, when he has the time. He also helps me manage business as if he were my attorney, preparing emails for me, consulting with landlords, etc. Our first two weeks together, he brought me an “Ordner” (notebook) for holding rental agreements, insurance and tax papers, pay receipts, etc. I laughed, because that was soooooooooooo German, but his organizational skills are outstanding. He runs his own business. And now I have four notebooks filled with papers.

    Regarding sex, it is good every time. We are both over 50, so we don’t have sex like rabbits, but when we do, it is quite steamy. As written in the blog post, my boyfriend could probably make Christian Grey blush, though he imagines himself as “schmutziger” than he really is. He isn’t very intimate and must be reminded to hug and hold on (he doesn’t come from a hugging family), but he is big and can be tender. Our warmest times are while watching a movie together on the couch or laying in bed on a weekend morning.

    We go back and forth and he gets loud when voicing his opinion, but our likes are very similar, and he’s also a great cook. One way to my heart is obviously through my stomach because of his talent in the kitchen, and I love him best when we’re eating (or in bed). Again, however, best thing about him is his loyalty: he is very reliable and always there. For that reason, it is puzzling when he tells me I’m doing something wrong (in his opinion), but he is still with me. The way he sounds, I’m a complete wreck. I just have to remind him that I got this far in life without him, which I’m sure he finds incredible.

    I love my German man, but he keeps me on my toes, as I’m sure I do the same to him.

  62. Trisetia says:

    Hello. I’m from Indonesia.
    I love your article.
    Btw, I met a german guy on an online dating site late 2017. he told me that he would come to Indonesia in february 13, 2018. then after entering february he dropped his plan to come to Indonesia one week later on the grounds of unfinished work in Germany . frankly I was begin to doubt if he is really going to meet me. I try not to expect too much of him. our communication is still fine. we still exchanged daily life stories, exchanging photos almost every time, etc.
    Do you think he’s really gonna meet me?

  63. ilo says:

    german guys are complicated for me. i met a german guy online in the end of December last year, he was on holiday so was i, he asked for my skype but we didnt text much and he seemed not that interested talking to me. once he wanted to see me and we did video call for almost an hour and he said that he liked me. after the holiday had over he texted me once a week and only said “hi” so i just replied “hi” too. i kinda like him but i think he’s too busy with his study but i get it bc im busy as well since we’re both 19 but i still miss him and sometimes check my Skype in case he sent me a message but none from him. so i just text him first but the thing i dont understand is he doesn’t reply but calls me for like 3 times, the thing that makes me sad is he always calls when im offline that means i gotta wait for the next week just to wait him to get online. i say hi and apologize that i wasnt online but he never replied but calls me instead when im offline, it’s always like that every week. and now he’s been not online for 2 weeks and i really miss him and im really pissed why did he told me that he liked and make me like him too but he’s not even willing to talk to me and never replied to my messages but calls me instead. i really dont get it 🙁

  64. NGNA says:

    I met this German guy on my trip to Europe last October. I made this one random day trip to Dresden. I met him first in couchsurfing and we talked for a bit and decide to have a meet up. It was short but fun meet up. We talked, basically everything and he sat by me on the train station when I wait for my train back to berlin.

    I did not expect we’re going to follow up what we left off that day. But until now, four months forward we still talking and chat almost every single day. He instantly become one of my best friend, because I could talk about everything with him and vice versa. I will say what we conversed all this time are more on the serious and heavy mumbo topics of life. About heartbreak, career, family, etc.

    He’s one of the most sensitive person I’ve ever met. Kinda an old soul. He always give me this wisdom words, a positive view of life. When in fact he’s actually one year younger than me

    At first I have no feeling at all. Just platonic friendship feeling, also there’s this fact that he already have a girlfriend. And I just went through some nasty break up. That platonic feeling stayed until, out of the blue he said that he want to visit Indonesia (where I live). He never mentioned anything about visiting me before. And things change again, when the next day after he told me he’d like to visit me, he broke up with the girlfriend.

    And the last month before he broke up with the GF me always had a fight with him. Start from how he start commenting on my lifestyle, me get closed with some men, and pretty much everything. He really pushed the wrong button. But then he said sorry, and things get better. Then me holidaying and met some guy, and I told him, and he upset with me. Every single time I told I have interest in someone he always appeared to be upset with me. I did not read anything into everything, because we’re just friend. And he never shown any obvious interest for being more than friend with me.

    Also he could be really sweet sometime, being over protective and always checking me out. I don’t want to feel that way if he has no intention to be more than friend, my fragile heart cannot take it anymore, haha. Because I could not read him. Sometimes I feel he have more feeling and some days I feel he feel nothing just mere friendship with me. Last relationship with different culture background with mine and long distance, give me quite scarred on my love life.

    So anyone, could you guys give me some pointer on how should I tread this friendship or whatever I have with him ? Because everyday is getting harder just to stay friend with him, but I’m too afraid to move forward then where we at

    Cheers

  65. Missie Miss says:

    This is an amazing tip. I started talking to a German guy last October and we kinda clicked. He’s really good with english and very sweet but there are times that he’s in AWOL. He said he likes me and I like him too. I was in a bad situation and he made me feel that he’s there for me. However, there are times that he will just ignore my messages and it will take days before he communicates. I never asked him about his intentions so not to put too much pressure but I am quite confused about this behavior. I am starting to feel that he’s not totally serious.

  66. Isabelle Snow says:

    I’m 6 months in my fantastic relationship with my German man and boy-oh-boy this man is a blessing to me and to the universe. I don’t say to much because he’s my secret. No one (ABSOLUTELY NOBODY!) can fill his shoes. He’s father took him shopping as a young boy and said the most wonderful thing to him which stayed with him. He said, “son, look around. See all the things around you? Steal all you want, but only with your eyes”. He as lived up to his father’s request. When we met that first time he stole me, my heart and soul without touching me.

  67. Joana Souto says:

    I laughed a lot. Such a great text. Thanks. You should spend sometime in each country to help women out.

  68. Jen says:

    Hello,ohh i’d love to read all the comments here its all interesting about german man which i currently study them also, I would like to know exactly on how and when they label relationship specially if it is long distance relationship. Its just happen i met a haf Filipino german guy. We know each other for 5 months. we met in a dating site and add me on facebook,.. our communication went good, i just highly appreciate him cause along the way of our talks has no sex topics. I feel so respected on it. he is so kind and even help others . he supported some of his relatives in the philippines, For 5 months chatting, i feel like i like him already, we feel the same and he told me i am the onliest person he met who made all his day,.. he added not his day but i made his life. He shows his interest in me, and me the same way. Maybe you couldn’t believe that after 3weeks knowing he decided to visit me in the Philippines,. i was so shock that on our next day chat he showed me his ticket,.. he will visit Philippines only to meet me. i felt nervous and i was hoping this beginning went serious along the way. Fast Forward , we meet and i was introduce to his relative in their place. He care me so much and we travel… He promise me to give his best for me to be happy… I appreciate all his effort and everything, He promise me not to switch to anyone else but to focus on me. He promise a lot by the way and give so much hope on me. I just wondering still cause we know each other not anymore friends but its more than friend. He didn’t court me yet,. we never say i love you, only ” i miss you”.
    I waited him… until his vacation ended and went back to germany,. He message me a lot on how he missed me,.. few days later, i ask him the label of our relationship, he says a lot but it ended like he honestly not take it serious cause of our distance. But still, he promise me i don’t hav to be afraid or worry cause nothing change and i am not going to loose him,He will visit me still and want to see me again.. i am now confuse cause all i want is assurance that he is mine, and i am his. anyway i try to understand.

    I need your comment if they are really like that,.. no label as long as you both stay connected and trust each other. Go with the flow and wait for the time if it works or not?..
    Help me…and thank you so much,.

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  70. Anacil says:

    Hi.. thanks for this article. And please help me for this,. I meet a german guy in online, i am from Philippines and 6 hours advance here. Every 5 am in Germany he is wake up and called me via WhatsApp or skype untill 5pm in Philippines time.. we talk everyday 3 days straight. He always said that he wants me to be his wife and he will marry me in Philippines. And also he booked a flight to Philippines for almost two months, he also told me that he will give up everything in Germany for me. So i was shocked when he says that, he said that he wants to stay in Philippines with me forever… It’s nice for me and getting me excited. But after 4th day he asked me about illnesses of filipino and he is afraid to get sick. We had fight about that, he told he was crying because i hurt him, and he also want to see me again via videocall in Skype, he sweet to me always, And asked him who told that to him, he said his friend who come in Philippines before. He trusted me. 10pm in Philippines time I get a message from other site he told me that “have a wife thank you ✌️ goodbye” i was shocked for it, and i chat him again after in skype and he told me that her account was hacked and he told me to “Hold on”. I was in loved with him and I don’t know what to think. Please help me if this is true.. his flight is iin July 13 2018 and i didn’t receive any messages from him now, the last time he chatted me is “hold on” untill now i am waiting for his reply. Do i need to wait for it?

  71. I have recently been talking to a stunning German I met here in the States on Bumble. There was so much chemistry between us….he recently told me he loves our communication. Not many American men would say that.
    He texts every day, and doesn’t play the same LAME games that American men play. He makes plans says in advance, and wants to know the next time he will see me.

    These comments are SO true. Lol.He is very blunt, to the point, and dry with his humor. He also has an obsession with shopping! Haha. I don’t know many other men who care about clothing like he does. There is a sweet side to him that I believe only a few people get to see, and I am one of the lucky ones. He also has a very sexual side that almost intimidated me, but he is so good in bed.

    We hung out several times before he left for a 2 week vacation. While he was away we kept in touch almost daily. I was still going about my life while he was away, and honestly thought things might fizzle out when he returned.
    I was surprised that he wanted to get together the day he returned, and we ended up going to dinner and just chilling at my place. He stayed over and told me about his trip….and the woman he slept with while he was away! LOL
    I was actually not upset, considering I had hung out with my ex while he was gone….and we haven’t had “the talk”
    My main concern at this point is his future. He says he’s possibly returning back to Germany at the end of this yeAr.(or maybe staying one more??!) I don’t want to get attached and hurt. I know it’s not realistic that we will end up together, but I really like a lot of things about him. He is very stable and steady . He balances me out, and is super chill around my friends. I will miss him for sure if and when he leaves. I just don’t think it makes sense to try and make an exclusive relationship happen with the knowledge he is potentially leaving in three months.
    Sigh*

  72. MFares says:

    Thank you so much! Seems like I am in the same boat as many of the above stories, apparently things don’t change with age, met someone on an over 50s online dating site, was asked if I was closing my account, he was closing his, now it makes sense. If he does what he says, it will be nice to have someone stand by me in life!

  73. MFares says:

    Well, guess I need to go to Germany, haven’t given up on German men, just dating sites, turned out he was a scammer, thank you again, at least I have found out that there may be hope for love in another country!

  74. Arrabella says:

    I met a German man on Match. He grew up in Frankfort but now lives in the states.
    Supermodel cute and doesn’t think so at all and I guess not many women made it a point to approach him. We are constantly texting ( he is working overseas at the moment.
    We will meet face to face in December. He has talked about his daughter ( he is a widower) and asked me to vacation with him and told me that he told his mother about me. According to him his daughter wants to know if we are getting married.
    The only thing that he does that drives me nuts is he will text me when he is tired and I will ask a question and he doesn’t reply to it even the next day but he knows my schedule just like I know his and without fail there is a good morning text when I wake up. And one when I get off work.
    I think he might be interested just a bit.
    Hope to see where it goes once we meet face to face yes current pics have been exchanged so he knows I’m not going to be the cute one in the relationship that is all on him

  75. Hi, I’m glad I got some ideas in this article. Just to share my experience I’m Asian and dating a German for almost a month, he’s nice gentlemen, hard working, loving and caring. We go out once our day off at work, as an Asian woman I used to depend that men should come first share more financially, in all other aspect I don’t have any issue, our relationship is more deeper and while seeing every week spending time together over the night. Basically we are in the point of getting to know each other attitude and personal traits, attitude he know me he knows if I have in mind, uncertain point when we eat I have the thinking of who’s going to pay, lol or am I going to half him of the bill or am I going to shoulder it, that’s the thing I guess that I need to clarify I’m doubtful, I hope in the long way we figure it out who’s going to pay this and that…cuz you feels very awkward. I don’t like that money is the root of all that your relationship will ruin and suffer.

  76. I came on dating site and meeting some of them. Recently I was been dating a German guy, divorce with three kids, He came from Chicago and live with brother here in San Francisco. Before I knew him I was with someone and turning out as my boyfriend but our relationship was on and off and I don’t like it, I want someone that serious and consistent. I’d start talking to this German guy with deep conversation He is so romantic and nice guy. My boyfriend try to feel me again try to get attention so I start to concentrate with him, this German guy sending me messages and just reading all her notes and didn’t response, by the end of the day I talked to him telling the truth that my boyfriend wants to work out things between us and I stopped communicating with German guy, a week after again I don’t feel the presence of my boyfriend and decided not to contact with him anaymore cuz is like he played with my emotions, I always give a chance but he always taken for granted. The German guy wondered why I message him and I asked an apology of what I did he’s been so nice to me saying if I’m not a good guy I already say things bad to you and I won’t talk to you anymore, but I can’t do because it seems you were a good person, and I realized how good he is and I said yes you were right and I’m sorry of what I did. Now we almost a month dating and getting to know well each other, he tried an effort to be closed to my kids, I love him because he take care of me, loved me unconditionally and never felt this to my ex before, he’s very passionate and romantic, He likes me and love me so tender.

  77. Hi Tammie, I met my German friend online playing Blackjack,so he gave me this app call Hang Out so that we can chat a little bit more and to get to know each other,I’m a American girl first time communicating with a German man which he no longer live there,but I’m Bakersfield California….all what you ladies comment about your experience with a German man is true about wanting to be with you and getting a house,he work a lot,etc. basically wanting a soul mate for himself and to take care of his daughter…the attitude he have that mean side of him I guess by me being a black American female something to get use to knowing there culture…. but we a had our first disagreement about transferring money from his bank to my bank..Dealing with a out of the country bank it’s so many rules and regulations to follower I didn’t trust the each,so he kind of stop texting me which I think something is fishy about that or to get upset,because with him working offshore he can’t do anything to take care of his business as for getting a house I’m in another state to begin with…What do you guys thinks will he come around to talk back to me or he’s done with the relationship and move on,because I couldn’t help him out,he’s always tells me I’m the best thing ever happened to him…

  78. Lex says:

    I met a handsome German guy from Münich during a 12 hour delayed flight in Florida. The day felt like a date at the airport. Even after he cancelled his flight and instead booked a direct flight to Germany the next day, he stayed at the airport to keep me company until my flight left. We have been talking online now for a month and he has been very sweet. Just this past weekend he went snowboarding in Austria and sent me a gorgeous picture of the snowy moutains with my name carved into the snow (the letters must have been over 12 feet tall), taken from a distance with the people looking like ants around my name. It was beautiful!

  79. Emi says:

    Great article and comments! I’ve been reading it for awhile, to see others experience of dating a Germans guy. I would like to share the similar story.

    I’ve met this guy through a dating app. I’ve decided to match it because of his catchy profile description although no face picture posted, not even knowing where he is from. The curiosity always stays above me. 🙂

    Moving forward, he sent a message via the dating app and we talked a bit, told me he got into car crash but he was alright. and he asked to connect through WhatsApp, so that he can shares his picture and talk more. At first, I rejected it, and he seems alright.

    2 days after, he texted again to check how I was doing and told me that he is not always in the dating app and for the second time, he asked for my number. I’ve decided to give it to him.

    2 days after, he texted (via whatsapp) and shared a couple of pictures. I was surprised how nice he look. Tall, dark blonde hair, blue eyes. He was very polite and shy too.

    We started texting, not too much though. And I’ve realized our catching up via WhatsApp will be every 2 days. He asked for my pictures and it was nice to receive sweet compliment from him.

    I’ve realized he keep using this monkey emoji covering its face. Every time I say something nice or when he give me a compliment. After reading through comment above, I realized maybe its because of his shyness.

    After 1-2 days of texting, he asked to meet up. I rejected 2 times because of our busy work schedule and we both were having flu. We took 17 days before decided to meet up.

    We met up during off day, but I was 20mins late. Didn’t know Germans are very punctual till I read all the comments above. But he still waited.

    We went for dinner, had a glass of wine…chit chat about our background and oh he keeps me interested about his mysterious personality. He offered to pay the bills.

    We had a good depth conversation. He was shy, but we always look at each other eyes while talking. He invited me to his place to talk more. We had a beer..he shared about his dad that is not well and he plan to go back to Germany this upcoming april to visit. He talked about a girl he dated once, about his work, local culture, food, politics, work etc.

    I shared my stories too. And through out our conversation, he asked me 2-3 times if I was alright.. We didn’t do anything else except, a little touch on my hair and a warm touch on his cheek because he was exhausted and sleepy.

    He was really tired and sleepy and i can clearly see it. Told him i can go so he can rest but he said, its alright, still have time for a talk. Its almost 10.30pm at this time. While talking, he asked me if we can meet up next week. I was quite surprised because we still on our date and he already planned for the next date 😆. FYI, he never mention the word “date” but rather to use it as “meet up”.

    We end up a good date with 3 times goodbye hugs (seems a bit too much 😂), i kissed on his cheek and he kissed on my neck.

    While I was walking to the car, he texted me saying “its nice to meet you”. We texted a bit after I got home.

    2 days after, he texted me.. We chat a bit, told me he was busy at work, etc etc but next date is still on…

    And right now, I’m looking forward for the next date which is coming to valentine 2019 week. He hasn’t confirm when and where but I’ll just wait him to text me again…since currently he is busy with a friends visiting from Germany.

    All these happened within 3 weeks from we started talking and till we went on our 1st date. He seems interesting but more interesting after I found out general personality traits of German guy.

    And oh, every time he texted, he always request for my pictures. Give the sweet compliment with this emoji “😄 and the shy monkey emoji. He shared his pictures too.

    FYI, we both are working in Kuala Lumpur. I’m from Borneo. He is 32 and I’m 29 years old. Do you think a Germans man around this age are looking for long term relationship or just for fun?

    Funny side during 1st date, he never smile at first (seems a bit cold but he look tired too). He didn’t hold the door for me (he realised that and said sorry)…I picked him up, we went to his favorite restaurant but was closed. but end up in a nice bar & restaurant, near his house.

    Question; from all the signs, our good conversation and a little bit of flirting. Do you think he is into me? I don’t want to give high hope but I never meet any man that is so interesting like him.

  80. Lily says:

    I had a Germany boyfriend years ago and was terrible. After 10 years later I meet other Germany guy, I thought in give a chance to a Germany again. I’m sorry for the bad news, they are great in the beginning after the can be cold and cruel.
    They enjoy torture you emotional most the time.
    I do not trust them, I had very bad experience with both.
    My lest one is worst because he have PhD he think he is better than everyone.
    Also everything is my fault he NEVER took responsibility for anything if he get mad he leaves me with no compassion.
    They are cold, mean, maquiavélico etc…
    I can keep writing for hours to describe how bad they are. Also extremely selfish!
    Keep your eyes open with the Germany guys! Some of this beautiful history most is in the beginning of the relationship after 2 years they start to show the cruel side, some of you girls will post something not good about those cold Germany guys. Soon or later.

  81. -r- says:

    I had an experience with a German guy too, actually until now. And he really gives me a lot of confusion.

    We met at Malta at the hotel and he was a guest and I was a worker, I find him very very attractive and he told me that I was attractive to.We meet on evenings and cuddle. And until the time comes that he has to leave and go back to Germany. On the first week after he left, He told me that he really really likes me and he wants me to go to |Germany and arranged that he will pay half of my flight and he will make good holidays for me.Of course I refused it since we just met for a very short span of time. 2 weeks after it all changed, when I was texting him he seems so cold. and he even told me that he doesn’t want me to text him a lot because he feels that he can’t breathe. and 3 months passed and we ended up not talking anymore.

    And after 4 months of not talking with each other I thought of writing him again and he replied to me very warm. And we had a good conversations every time and talked about how we liked each other but he told me that he is fine for us like this. He can live with it.” That we are friends” Although I would not lie that I like him but I agreed to what he wants. And then finally I decided that I will visit him on his hometown. He refused at first but he agreed then after. But he didn’t planned to file a leave (since he just got promoted and he is very serious at work)

    Then finally after months of waiting the time has arrived that I will visit him, at first I was really really nervous because I was a stranger on another country and alas! I arrived and we finally met each other and during the night we had dinner on a restaurant and then he showed me around the city at night. Then I came back at the hotel and he started kissing me, and we ended up making love after that he started to call me “Baby”. Then he told me he has to go home because he has to work in the morning. W’c is okay for me since I have to respect his work ethics and new promotion. He usually goes home after work and then prepares to go to me, for days it was the scenario. Everything was perfect. And Saturday has come and he told me that I have to prepare because we are going to Dusseldorf and he showed me around the city, We went home and since he doesn’t work on Sundays he decided to sleep with me. It was a very romantic night. And then on a Sunday we woke up cuddling each other, then we toured around the city again and we had fun and so many things to laugh about. Then all of a sudden we passed on a “love lock” bridge, and he told me that “Listen, when you go back here we will buy a lock and we lock our names there.” and after that we went back at the hotel.

    When we were at the hotel I was looking at the window since I felt very sad because the day passed and I have to go back to Malta again, then all of a sudden his tears started to fall down, and I kept asking him why? He just nodded and I insisted him to tell me what he is thinking, he said he realised a lot of things when I was there, he said at first when we met at Malta he never thought of something like this would happen, he realised that I really love him with all the efforts of travelling there etc. He told me “I really really like you very much” And then he decided to leave because of a planned family dinner. Then I told my parents about him and they met via face time and my family liked him.

    Then the day came that I was about to leave Germany and when I got back to Malta everything was smooth. Until a week after he started to show again some cold signs and no interest on talking to me. And It really upsets me because it’s making me really confused, so I confronted him about it. And he told me that yes he really appreciates everything that I did for him because nobody did it for him but we have to go back to reality that he is in Germany and I am in Malta and we are far and we will never be a couple. If I manage to go to Germany he will help me on what I need and everything but we can never be a couple, He is okay with friends and he wanted me to be friends with him because he wants to be the best for me. w/c is I really don’t understand because of what he showed to me. He even advised me to be with someone here because he cannot give the love that I wanted with him. And we are not a couple. But if my feelings will continue he has no choice but to block me. w/c I decided that I think it’s better if he will block me. I insisted him to do it, but he didn’t.

    And all of despair I felt like I was just a playtime to him, and I felt like I really can’t crack the code and it made me confused more because of all the things that he showed to me specially when I was in Germany and it’s really a big question mark for me what’s going on.

    Then after 2 days he apologised and he said that it’s not necessary to say those things to me and I hope I didn’t got him wrong but we are okay as friends. And he really really likes me so much.

    But I don’t text him that much since I feel like he is so cold and for my part I felt like I lost all the momentum after what happened. I wanted to talk to him but I think it’s not okay since I really don’t understand what he is really thinking.

    I don’t know what to do. And to be honest it’s really hurting.

  82. L says:

    Here is my experience dating a German for 2 years both pros and cons. I am Mexican by the way.

    My German could dish out an opinion, or criticism, but couldn’t take criticism. He made me feel like I was insulting his manhood but I think it was his own insecurities. So basically I think German men can fish it out but can’t take it.

    My German didn’t know how to play. Way too serious. For example I love to wrestle and rough house, but all in fun. He became very serious about it and turned something I found fun into something competitive.

    When it came to sex, it was me who brought all the passion. Yes I will agree with the author of this article the sex was fast (he moved really fast) and the goal for him was to cum. He wasn’t really into doing the things that pleased me. He somehow thought by doing what he did to cum that I would cum. Not.

    The author is also right about splitting cost down the middle. I’m a Mexican women and in my culture we expect the man to pick up the bill. In return we cook, clean, treat them like kings and give them the most amazing sex.

    His relationships with his daughters was business like. They rarely went anywhere as a family. However in my culture we take our kids everywhere and are families are tight knit.

    He was sensitive to his feelings and how other people treated him but had no clue that he was insensitive to others.

    He loved to dance but he was not a good dancer.

    I also had to maintain my classiness 100% of the time. If I acted ghetto (in a joking way) he would be upset. I mean the guy had a hard time joking around, took many things way too seriously.

    Ok here are the pros:

    He was very intelligent.
    Hard working.
    Punctual (I’m Mexican, we are always late).
    Willing to work on himself to become better (if he was into the relationship).
    Creative thinker, thought outside the box.
    Perfectionist.
    Can save money (a bit in the cheap side, unless spending it suited him).

    Anyways my advice to Latin women who may consider dating a German. They will be excited and intrigued by your passion in bed but they won’t be able to handle this same passion in a disagreement. In fact they will think your impractical, insensitive, and crazy.

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